VIII.

So I decided that my job isn't working out and I put in my...3 day notice yesterday. Tomorrow's my last day. As much as I'm excited to quit working I am not happy. At the same time I am, I am going to start going to school. I'm pretty sure I want to get my credentials to become a elementary school teacher. The idea of taking graphic design classes popped around in my head but I think it's about time I start to think about my "future". I like working with kids and if I ever got the urge to I would want to be a counselor for children. I think I should take small steps first. My aunt was an elementary school teacher, so she can give me advice on how to go about going to school for that.

Yesterday, as I was clocking out this little girls mom came up to me and told me she was sad about me leaving. We started talking about what I'm going to do in the future and all that stuff...and then we talked about her past and then she asked me if my tattoo was a reference to Morrissey and I almost cried. I was so excited and then we started talking about Morrissey and The Smiths. She then somehow brought up straightedge and I got even more excited. It was awesome. I guess she was into punk and stuff when she was younger. Sadly she isn't that into The Smiths anymore but it was nice talking to someone that old about stuff like that. Especially someone totally random and someone who I'd never expect to be like that.

It just hit me that I doubt people read this...and I feel like I'm talking to myself. I know a very select few read this. I don't really post so others can read. I post for my own enjoyment, I suppose.

On another note, the possibility of me moving has become a reality again. It kind of sucks, but for some reason now I'm semi ok with it. I have ways of getting around. I still don't know if I'm going to move with my parents or try and find a place here. I like it here, but at the same time I feel like I need something new for awhile.

Santa Barbara this weekend. I'm kind of excited to see some friends and go to a show. I haven't been to a show in months, it's kind of depressing. I'm also excited to sit in a car for a long time, I like doing that. I want to tour. Technically in May we're doing a short weekend tour. Santa Cruz on Saturday and Gilman on Sunday. Those should be a couple fun shows. I hope all goes well.

I don't think I'm going to make a playlist, cause really all I've been listening to since Monday is Minus The Bear and Jets to Brazil.

"The lowlife has lost its appeal."

-XadrianX

VII.

I've got to get out of this place. So cliché, but so true. There's nothing here for me, and there's never been, but it's taken me 16 years (now 18) to realize this. You can't really live till you know what you're worth, and I want something bigger, better, anything but this place. My life begins when I take my first step out of this town. It's not just a pipe dream this time, I'm just gonna break free this time. Don't wait up. I'll turn the lights out when I leave, because I don't think I'll be back.

VI.

"Kid, I've lived through others. I made myself so small.
I lived through a record one summer, last fall.
The singer said something I could only feel,
I saw him this morning, he still looked real, real.

God I need him here tonight.
I just know he'd get this right."

Those lyrics aren't from the same album, but seriously this album is the soundtrack to the past six months of my life. Orange Rhyming Dictionary and this are on the list of some of my favorite records of all time. Anyone who hasn't heard this band or any of Blakes other bands (Jawbreaker) I highly suggest you take a listen. I cannot stop listening to any of this mans music.

The good life is out there, somewhere.

-XadrianX

V.

Last night after I made my blog I went running. It felt good, considering I ate horrible yesterday. I don't even want to say what I ate because it makes me sick thinking about it. Anyway, the feeling of refreshment was quickly taken away after I went to loco and I knew I was doomed. Every time I'm there, no matter what I've eaten I will eat. Loco has slowly become one of my all time favorite places to eat, only at night time though. I can only eat it during the day with certain people, other then that night time only. That's when everything is at its prime. Anyway, I went to meet up with old faces that I've been hiding from for the past 4+ months. Everyone was surprised to see me, considering I gave them all the could shoulder. But I wasn't there to make amends with all of them. Only one. I think it was the first time I went out of my way to do that for someone. Reasons as to what happened between us will not be posted, but lets just say it is one of the biggest regrets in my life...I say that about everything. Anyway, time went by fast and it was kind of nice to see old faces. They are much different from when we all used to be younger and going to shows together and stuff. Now I'm the only one who is still really involved in anything. Things change though. Time went by fast, we went back to an old friends house to catch up and stuff and by the time I knew it, it was 2 A.M. I needed to sleep due to my early start yesterday. I really don't know the point of this blog. I got a hair cut today, watched the Earth Crisis VHS and did really nothing. Sometimes my life is feels so unorganized that it feels routine. I need out. South County is a good place, I think I need some change for awhile.

Playlist for today/yesterday:
Jawbreaker - Dear You.
Jets to Brazil - Orange Rhyming Dictionary.
Found Dead Hanging - 5 Song Demo.
Morrissey - Ringleader of The Tormentors.
The Smiths - The Smiths.
The Misfits - Static Age.
Embrace - Embrace.

IV.

After a year of being told to purchase this book, I finally stole it. Punk, I know. I realized that it was about time to attain this knowledge myself, rather than hear it from other people. I have highlighted so much, and I just finished the first chapter. I hope this book doesn't give me nightmares, I've had one too many Zombie Apocalypse dreams. I think I might make a pamphlet out of it and distribute it at shows. Anyone who considers themselves an activist should read this book in its entirety, but I know how some people are.

Oh yeah, life so far. It's been decent. I woke up early today for work, thinking I was going to get paid but ended up finding out I don't get paid till the 10th. Fuck that. I'm going to try and get a job at our practice space...I blew it last time. Whatever. This day has seemed so long since I woke up went to work and got out at noon. It's awesome/kind of ridiculous. I should be running right now. I just realized this as I was typing this blog. I might go run actually. Who knows. I'm done writing for right now. Maybe later tonight.

I am desirable, but not wanted.

- xadrianx

III.

I just got back from watching the season finale of "I Love New York" at Chris's house. That show was so depressing and uplifting at the same time. Now I know most "reality" T.V. shows are scripted, but at the same time these shows are a perfect example of how incredibly pathetic our society is. You have 12 grown men searching for love and 1 woman who is searching for the same kind of love within one of those 12 guys. This woman is made out to be the two main images that society has put on woman. Which is the moody, nagging, loud-mouthed woman that emasculate guys do not like to be told off by, then they portray her as a sex object that gets off to the touch of any guy that lays a finger on her. It's quite sad. They make her out to be a person who has very little intellect and the very little intellect she does have is about sex or what she wants in bed. Then you have the "typical" guys who drink for fun or "to be social" but end up getting overly dramatic and start breaking things because one person says one thing to make them mad. I can't believe I watched the whole season. It was more of an ironic thing more than it was a "I'm really interested in this show" thing. I think shows like these just reinforce my hatred for the way people live their lives. But as many fence riders say, "to each their own". Anyway, that's that. I think I think about things like this because it keeps me from thinking about the problems going on in my life (I don't have many).

Anyway, tonight while at Loco the topic of The Zombie Apocalypse came up. I'd like to think Chris is very well rounded in the spectrum of Zombie pre-Zombie apocalypse preparation. He has a very good memory, especially when it comes to reading about such things and forming arguments for or against things. Anyway, if it isn't clear, I'd like to go on record and say that 7 Generations is a for the most part (I'll go into this) an anti-zombie band. We do however support zombie ism for a short period of time. Let's face it, this world is over populated. And to steal Chris' theory here...The Zombie Apocalypse would be natures response to the stress we are putting on it. It will be it's form of cleansing. Which I will fully back. The plan is to let zombies destroy civilization...then when civilization is finally reaching its end we go the extra mile and kill the zombies. We can not have a world ran by zombies. It's scientifically impossible. Zombies "life" expectancy is from 4-5 years. So we hide out for a couple years, let the zombies do their work and finally when the numbers are slim, we kill them all (this time for good.) Crimethinc. Kids who are reading this are probably getting really excited right now. It's a flawless plan...we just have to be patient. As it is, we have a zombie apocalypse hide out planned and everything. We also have one for up north. The details as to where these places are will not be discussed on a public blog. Let's just say we are ready. Also, the topic of Veganism also came up in the post/zombie apocalypse discussion. I'm also going to have to agree with Chris that when a vegan diet no longer is sustainable it is fair game to drop it. Veganism is a direct response to this civilization. Zombies will be destroying civilization. I'm not saying once it starts it's fair game to start eating meat, etc. etc. I'm saying that when I no longer can live a vegan lifestyle during the apocalypse I will have to turn my back on the animals. Anyone who says otherwise is lying and will die a slow and painful death. They will be to weak to run from said zombies, due to the hunger pains and they will be zombified. I will not be happy, but like any native culture I'm going to have to try to survive using my resources. Now this is all within the premise that animals will be surviving in the zombie apocalypse. If there were ever to be some kind of mutation of the zombie virus that can somehow work with animals, we'd be in big trouble.

I think this is probably one of the most unintelligent rants ever posted on the world wide web. What do you want from me though? I can't help but lose myself in an idealistic mind.

I'm sitting here listening to The Misfits. I remember my first "concert" I ever played was a handful of Misfits songs in my 8th grade English class. My English teacher was in a band and he had full stacks and all that stuff in his classroom. He also used to have concerts in his class at lunch. It was just him playing his bands music to a bunch of 8th graders. It was pretty cool. We used to play to The Misfits, Minor Threat, Nirvana, Slayer, Metallica, everything. Oh, 8th grade. I don't miss you that much. Lately I've been really into Morrissey's "You Are The Quarry" B-Sides. That is where I got the title of this online blog from "The Never Played Symphonies". Truly a great song. I think my favorite B-Side from that record is either "I Am Two People" or "My Life Is An Endless Succession Of People Saying Goodbye". Typical of me, I know. I sometimes wish there was someone I can share weird rants with like I just posted above. Bailey said I need a girlfriend, so many people tell me that. I don't think I NEED one. I once wanted one, but as the saying goes, "things fall apart". Nobody knows what human life is.

Today at work this kid named Jose came up to me and started talking to me about the movie "Dangerous Minds". I remember that movie came out at about the time I was his age. It's so weird to say that. But it's true. I remember when that movie caused some controversy. I wasn't allowed to watch that movie. That's besides the point of this section. I just think it's weird to see this boy (who is a little older than I was when I was introduced to this environment) going through the same things I went through at around that age. I was introduced to a lot of bad things at a very young age. Growing up in a family that was into gangs, drugs, etc. It's ironic, but not very ironic that I am the offspring of an environment such as that. I just hope this kid or any of the kids I'm working with turn into the kind of people all my old friends turned into. Today I saw my very old friends letter from Prison that he wrote to my brother. It's kind of depressing to think that the kid I used to spend days and nights skating with is now a rapist/pedophile. It's very strange to see where the two completely different paths we both took have led us. Anyways, I make sure that these kids don't get to out of hand. I let them cuss and stuff because I think suppressing that will just make them even more rebellious. It made me rebellious. I just make sure they respect women and other people. When I hear them say the word "bitch, slut, or gay" I make sure to tell them how serious those words are. They kind of shrug it off, but I hope in some way, shape, or form I get it through there head that those words aren't just words. They are a mentality that I despise so much. Ugh. I've suddenly lost the desire to write. I think I'm going to go put some headphones on. I've said too much, yet made such little sense.

Life is a pigsty.

-XadrianX

P.S. Playlist for the day:

Giant - Song EP.
Jawbreaker - Dear You.
Morrissey - You Are The Quarry B-Sides.
The Misfits - Static Age, Collection I, Collection II.
Unbroken - life. love. regret.

II.

Practice went ok tonight. The Guitar head I was using was annoying me though. It would turn down all of a sudden, by itself. Then when I'd set it to a higher volume setting, it would turn up by itself. That's not what is important though. I'm mainly writing to get my mind off of things. We have two new songs down, musically. We need to put lyrics to them. I think those will be the ones we will be playing at our May shows. I don't know how people are going to take to these songs. I don't think anyone knows. I guess we will see when we play them. I'm excited for this week. I ordered a Morrissey shirt that has a nice picture of him on the front with his name going down the side of the picture and on the back it has the lyrics "All I ask of you is one thing that you never do, would you put your arms around me? I won't tell anybody" from the song "Tomorrow". It will definitely be worn to one of our May shows. Also this week I will finally be getting my new Gibson Les Paul. I am so very excited. It was originally going to be a Christmas present but I told my mom never mind, that I'd just buy it. My mom has helped me and continues to help me so much with my music. The least I could do is get a job and pay for my 800 dollar guitar. I need to start saving up for a guitar head though, I'm in dire need of one. I have a guitar cab, but what good is a cab if you don't have a guitar head? Kind of useless. Luckily I have people that let me use their heads. I also think this weekend I will be going to the tattoo shop to get my chest piece drawn up. I'm kind of nervous to get that done, I hate being without a shirt in a public setting, let alone with someone I barely know. Although I'm sure my tattoo artist won't be staring at me, examining my every flaw, he'll be busy tattooing my chest. I'm also nervous because I'm afraid it's going to hurt. My neck didn't hurt that bad. The side of my hands did hurt though, really bad. As you can tell I'm running out of things to talk about. And the very thing I've been trying to avoid thinking about has consumed my thoughts and creativity. I think that means I'm off to bed, before I make a mess of myself.

Playlist for the day:

Lifetime - Lifetime.
Morrissey - You Are The Quarry (B Sides).
Jesu - Conqueror.
Jets to Brazil - Perfecting Loneliness.
Kill Holiday - Somewhere Between The Wrong Is Right.
The Smiths - Strangeways Here We Come.
Disembodied - If God Only Knew The Rest Were Dead.

I.V

I also forgot to say I am obsessed with this man. He is a pure genius.

I.

I'm starting this thing to have some sort of vent that I cannot vent through the music I write. This blog, I assume will consist of rants, play lists, self reflection, questions, lyrical inspirations at the time and many more things that will probably offend people and things that I will look back at months later and ask myself, "what was I thinking". I'm willing to tempt fate though. I also assume that most of the people who will read this, know me. If not, here's a little about me: I'm an 18 year old, Vegan, Straightedge, hardcore/punk kid. I live in the beautiful coastal (kind of) town of San Juan Capistrano, located in Southern Orange County, California. I play guitar in a band called Seven Generations, an underground punk/hardcore band in vain of Unbroken, Chokehold, and Trial. I will probably write a lot about the band on this thing. Considering we are in the writing process of a full length, some of my frustration will more than likely come from the band, not the people in the band though. I hope. I'm kind of a recluse. I work with kids at the YMCA I used to go to when I was younger, at the same elementary school I used to go to when I was younger. I barely started working there about a month ago, we will see how it goes. So far it's a job, and that's about all I can say about it. When I'm not working, I'm training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and Muay Thai, running, listening to music, buying music, making music, or just sitting in my room thinking about things. I've been kind of holding off on reading, so I'd feel like a "poser" if I said I read, because I haven't in quite sometime. I have a fairly good collection of books that I need to read/re-read. I don't go to school and I don't know if I ever will again. The whole idea of pursuing a career seems so trivial to me at this point in my life. I just want to make music, tour, and play more music. Other than that, I truly like spending time at home. I don't know what else there is to say about myself. I feel kind of lame talking about myself. I guess if you (or I) keep up with this thing long enough you'll truly know how I am. I'm about to head out to practice right now. So I should get going. Hopefully I can keep up to date with this thing.

Until next time...for your sake, stay safe.

-XadrianX