As I wrote in my previous post, I've been writing a lot, just not on here.
I've been writing a lot of music (what else is new?)...I swear if for some reason I went deaf I would kill my self, there is no denying it. Music is everything to me...as a counselor, as a healer, as inspiration, as an art form.
There are songs I listen to that remind me of the worst times in my life and it's nice to be able to listen to them and not actually feel how I was feeling then yet I find my self reminiscing about those dark times. I'm a masochist when it comes to making my self feel bad...I look at photos that make me nostalgic, listen to music, read what I wrote then, anything you can reopen wounds with I look at...it's terrible yet it gives me some kind of closure until the next time I get curious.
It's a terrible feeling, to feel. I don't like it.
My mind has been so up and down lately, I don't know why. I've always been open about my mental disorders and I know it's not rare that people have bi polar or borderline disorder...but man, it fucking sucks. I don't know why I've been feeling like this...I take medication and I've noticed the difference up until recently...it feels like everything came crashing down on me. That might sound a bit over dramatic but it's true. I've been very irritable lately and I've taken it out on people that more or less don't deserve it...I suppose if they knew me well enough they'd know what to expect.
What the fuck am I talking about. I'm a pessimist. I've always been. I've been self aware since the age of 5. I've always been obsessed with dying and the romanticized idea of my death. Who'd miss me, who'd care, who'd laugh, who'd cry, who'd keep all my stuff, who'd throw it all away, who'd come to the funeral, what music would they play...I've always wanted to see it. I've always wanted to live my death and witness the aftermath. Technology hurry up and give me a fucking time machine.
That is all.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
not enough
I've come to the conclusion recently that talking to people is both mentally and physically draining. There are certain people that I have a high tolerance for but it's fleeting. I'm starting to feel the need to write more, not in this though. I understand a blog on the internet is basically like posting for everyone to see but knowing people read it (and like it?) makes me feel self conscious about what I write.
All I've been doing recently is the same stuff I've been writing about...something needs to happen or I need to make something happen, rather.
I've recently purchased a couple of pedals/accessories to make my musical endeavors more interesting, we'll see how they pan out.
Done.
All I've been doing recently is the same stuff I've been writing about...something needs to happen or I need to make something happen, rather.
I've recently purchased a couple of pedals/accessories to make my musical endeavors more interesting, we'll see how they pan out.
Done.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
stay in the shade
Sounds
I don't have much to update about so I suppose I'll post about some music I've been listening to.
Have A Nice Life - I think this band is one of my favorite bands of the past couple of years. How can I even describe this band? I guess you can say Burning World (read a few posts below) was definitely inspired (aka got me off my ass to record songs) by this band. Think shoegaze mixed with some mild drum and bass, mixed with noise. The record is so depressing sounding and is a perfect mix of slow songs with mid paced songs. The songs themselves are not too complex but not too simple where they get boring or repetitive. The vocal melodies in the music are actually pretty, yes I used that word to describe a mans voice...but it is true. If you have not listened to, heard, or heard of these guys you are seriously fucking up.
Cold Cave - Now before I start this I want to say that I am personally not a fan of AN/GUTG/SG or anything else that Wes has been in, not that it's not good but they were personally not my thing. Cold Cave hits a soft spot in me, that soft 80's music spot that makes me want to dance in a club like in the second scene of American Psycho. I wasn't a fan of Cold Cave until I saw them live at FYF and they blew me away. Love Comes close was a great record and their new one is better, the songs are well put together, catchier, and more layered... and the lyrics are better. Solid new record.
Trap Them - Their new record kicked my ass. I wasn't too big on their last record "Seasons..." but this new record blew me away. This band has matured so well since they've started...although I must admit I'll be that guy and say that Sleepwell Deconstructor is my favorite record...this record comes in a close second to that. I remember when I was told that Ryan was in a new band and was shown the rough tracks of Sleepwell...I couldn't have been more stoked. I am a huge Backstabbers Inc. fan (the Kamikaze Missions record helped me get through my last years of high school) and hearing Ryan left right before the tour that 7gen played a show with them on was a bummer. I played drums at that show...I'm not even a drummer.
This Will Destroy You - I had always heard about this band but I never took the time to listen to them. I've listened to their new record about 10 times within the past week. It's good ambient noise to just zone out to. If you're a fan of that genre I suggest giving it a listen.
Swans - Swans was a band that I came into liking in about 11th or 12th grade (I read about them and M.Gira via Backstabbers Inc. liner notes) and they didn't really hit me until after I graduated. Filth was my first record I listened to that really hit me...really heavy riffs with angry yelling, not screaming but audible yelling. This band has been a huge inspiration on me since then, more specifically Michael Giras approach to his art and music and how it has affected my view on art and the way I create my music. I got to see them earlier this month and if I had not had the flu I would have been 100 times more stoked than I actually was. I got to watch Swans do their thing while sitting in a chair against the wall and it was still an amazing show.
Braveyoung - GOOD GOD. Their new record "We are lonely animals" is seriously phenomenal. I cannot stress enough that you should listen to this record. These guys are amazing friends and amazingly talented musicians. Buy and listen to their new record.
Notorious B.I.G. - Listening to 90's hip hop will always remind me of being a little kid and sneaking into my older brothers room to listen to his cassettes. Hip Hop was my first true love and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for it. Ready To Die is a solid god damn record.
Neurosis - Do I even need to say anything about this band? Every band you listen or have listened to is in one way or another inspired by this band. You are a moron if you do not like or appreciate what Neurosis has been doing for the past 20 years. Listen to Through Silver In Blood or Times of Grace and try to tell me that this band was not years beyond their time.
I have been listening to too much stuff, but this is all I want to write about care to remember at the moment.
I deleted Twitter, I deleted Instagram, I deleted every social networking profile I have. This will be my only connection to the internet...that way if people want to read this then they can, I don't care about reading about them on a news feed.
Have A Nice Life - I think this band is one of my favorite bands of the past couple of years. How can I even describe this band? I guess you can say Burning World (read a few posts below) was definitely inspired (aka got me off my ass to record songs) by this band. Think shoegaze mixed with some mild drum and bass, mixed with noise. The record is so depressing sounding and is a perfect mix of slow songs with mid paced songs. The songs themselves are not too complex but not too simple where they get boring or repetitive. The vocal melodies in the music are actually pretty, yes I used that word to describe a mans voice...but it is true. If you have not listened to, heard, or heard of these guys you are seriously fucking up.
Cold Cave - Now before I start this I want to say that I am personally not a fan of AN/GUTG/SG or anything else that Wes has been in, not that it's not good but they were personally not my thing. Cold Cave hits a soft spot in me, that soft 80's music spot that makes me want to dance in a club like in the second scene of American Psycho. I wasn't a fan of Cold Cave until I saw them live at FYF and they blew me away. Love Comes close was a great record and their new one is better, the songs are well put together, catchier, and more layered... and the lyrics are better. Solid new record.
Trap Them - Their new record kicked my ass. I wasn't too big on their last record "Seasons..." but this new record blew me away. This band has matured so well since they've started...although I must admit I'll be that guy and say that Sleepwell Deconstructor is my favorite record...this record comes in a close second to that. I remember when I was told that Ryan was in a new band and was shown the rough tracks of Sleepwell...I couldn't have been more stoked. I am a huge Backstabbers Inc. fan (the Kamikaze Missions record helped me get through my last years of high school) and hearing Ryan left right before the tour that 7gen played a show with them on was a bummer. I played drums at that show...I'm not even a drummer.
This Will Destroy You - I had always heard about this band but I never took the time to listen to them. I've listened to their new record about 10 times within the past week. It's good ambient noise to just zone out to. If you're a fan of that genre I suggest giving it a listen.
Swans - Swans was a band that I came into liking in about 11th or 12th grade (I read about them and M.Gira via Backstabbers Inc. liner notes) and they didn't really hit me until after I graduated. Filth was my first record I listened to that really hit me...really heavy riffs with angry yelling, not screaming but audible yelling. This band has been a huge inspiration on me since then, more specifically Michael Giras approach to his art and music and how it has affected my view on art and the way I create my music. I got to see them earlier this month and if I had not had the flu I would have been 100 times more stoked than I actually was. I got to watch Swans do their thing while sitting in a chair against the wall and it was still an amazing show.
Braveyoung - GOOD GOD. Their new record "We are lonely animals" is seriously phenomenal. I cannot stress enough that you should listen to this record. These guys are amazing friends and amazingly talented musicians. Buy and listen to their new record.
Notorious B.I.G. - Listening to 90's hip hop will always remind me of being a little kid and sneaking into my older brothers room to listen to his cassettes. Hip Hop was my first true love and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for it. Ready To Die is a solid god damn record.
Neurosis - Do I even need to say anything about this band? Every band you listen or have listened to is in one way or another inspired by this band. You are a moron if you do not like or appreciate what Neurosis has been doing for the past 20 years. Listen to Through Silver In Blood or Times of Grace and try to tell me that this band was not years beyond their time.
I have been listening to too much stuff, but this is all I want to write about care to remember at the moment.
I deleted Twitter, I deleted Instagram, I deleted every social networking profile I have. This will be my only connection to the internet...that way if people want to read this then they can, I don't care about reading about them on a news feed.
Fuck All
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
life in pictures
Here's some photos from the weekend...I miss these guys so much already.
Check out Braveyoungs album streaming on their page.
Check out Braveyoungs album streaming on their page.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Cousins of the anti-christ
I'm almost positive people read this more than the actual COG blog...so I'll post it here. We're playing 4 days with our friends braveyoung, from north carolina.
Thursday - San Francisco at the Sub-mission art space. (2183 Mission St)
Friday - Santa Cruz at 105 Pioneer Street.
Saturday - Santa Barbara at Foundation Press (5959 Hollister Ave).
Sunday - Fullerton at Riffhaus.
Come watch these guys and get blown away by their amazing talent.
I'm excited as hell to see these guys as I only get to see them about once every two years or so.
In the mean time...watch Chelsea Wolfe and go buy her record.
Thursday - San Francisco at the Sub-mission art space. (2183 Mission St)
Friday - Santa Cruz at 105 Pioneer Street.
Saturday - Santa Barbara at Foundation Press (5959 Hollister Ave).
Sunday - Fullerton at Riffhaus.
Come watch these guys and get blown away by their amazing talent.
I'm excited as hell to see these guys as I only get to see them about once every two years or so.
In the mean time...watch Chelsea Wolfe and go buy her record.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Reverb reverb reverb
I almost forgot...I put together what some would call a "demo" for Burning World. Here's an exclusive link to download it.
http://www.mediafire.com/?ruc8fwitpyghyn5
I've always been fascinated with low-fi recordings so I decided there's no point in me trying to put together the greatest quality collection. This material is layered with a lot of fuzz and reverb, simple, dark, and...again layered the way shoegaze should be.
Hope you like it...or not we'll see what comes of it.
life as i knew it
I realize that the nature of online blogging is a form of narcissism in its self, which is why I've kind of been neglecting writing (typing) in this for a while. With all the themed blogs about fashion, pseudo porn, and funny photos I wanted to avoid seeming like some kind of self aggrandizing idiot blogger that gets lost in the static.
Then I realized I do not give a single fuck.
Work has been going good. There's times like the one up above when I really love my job. I hate the monotonous nose, belly button, and lip piercings so when I get a chance to pierce someones tongue to a giant hole I jump at the chance of doing it. The shop has been consistent even though people are still losing their jobs and the economy is still in the gutter. I'm thankful I'm doing what I'm doing and am good at what I do (self aggrandizement).
Chens...greasy Chinese food that thankfully is catering to my dietary choices. Since I decided to go vegan it's been hard to find food that reminds me of growing up as a fat kid. Chens has been the talk of the house for a while now...this place is a bad influence on my life.
Speaking of which...this past week a couple of us decided to make an overnight drive to Vegas for donuts. We spent a total of 4 hours in Nevada only to come back and get to work at 9:30 in the morning. We gambled, some lost, some won, some won big. I think that little taste of winning has sparked a desire to gamble in me. Luckily the closest casino is not within a comfortable driving range.
That's about all I have on me right now. I don't do much which is why I don't write much. I've been watching a lot of documentaries focusing on Zionism and the whole Israeli/Palestinian conflict. I never had the biggest desire to learn about that situation up until recently and needless to say it is such a fucked and complex situation going on over there. I suppose my opinions on that subject can be expressed in another post.
Then I realized I do not give a single fuck.
Work has been going good. There's times like the one up above when I really love my job. I hate the monotonous nose, belly button, and lip piercings so when I get a chance to pierce someones tongue to a giant hole I jump at the chance of doing it. The shop has been consistent even though people are still losing their jobs and the economy is still in the gutter. I'm thankful I'm doing what I'm doing and am good at what I do (self aggrandizement).
Chens...greasy Chinese food that thankfully is catering to my dietary choices. Since I decided to go vegan it's been hard to find food that reminds me of growing up as a fat kid. Chens has been the talk of the house for a while now...this place is a bad influence on my life.
Speaking of which...this past week a couple of us decided to make an overnight drive to Vegas for donuts. We spent a total of 4 hours in Nevada only to come back and get to work at 9:30 in the morning. We gambled, some lost, some won, some won big. I think that little taste of winning has sparked a desire to gamble in me. Luckily the closest casino is not within a comfortable driving range.
That's about all I have on me right now. I don't do much which is why I don't write much. I've been watching a lot of documentaries focusing on Zionism and the whole Israeli/Palestinian conflict. I never had the biggest desire to learn about that situation up until recently and needless to say it is such a fucked and complex situation going on over there. I suppose my opinions on that subject can be expressed in another post.
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