XI.

On Saturday night I found out that a person I knew committed suicide. He was 27 years old with a wife and I think 2 kids. When I first heard the news I was kind of taken back but the feeling of amazement was quickly suppressed by the events that were going on at the time (I was at Earth Crisis). It didn't really hit me until yesterday when I stepped into the gym and saw everyone depressed. At the end of class they called everyone into the room and announced what had happened and when the services were going to be and where they'd be held. As I was walking out I saw my teacher with his head down in his hands crying his eyes out, locked in his office. That's what truly hit me. I never thought I'd see him cry like that, ever. It hit me again for a second time when I realized how much this has effected his brother, my barber. I feel terrible for him. And I can only imagine how terrible the rest of his family feels. I don't know if I will attend the services being held. I can't imagine seeing a bunch of my tough guy friends, cry for hours. It's so strange to see how someones life can be almost perfect from the outside, but on the inside it's a complete mess. He was an extremely talented fighter, had his own gym that made him money, had a marriage, kids, almost everything. That's just what it seemed like from the outside though.

Uh, subject change. I'm sitting outside because I get better wireless reception here. It's hot in my room, so this feels very good to have a constant feeling of coolness. So many things on my mind. The past, the present, the future. Life in general. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing with my life. At the same time, I know what I want to do. Play music, have my own house, and tour. I don't want a job. I don't really want to go to school, but I'd rather go to school than have a job...for the time being. I'm done for tonight.

"Nobody knows what human life is."

Playlist for the day:

Adamantium - From the Depths of Depression.
Minus the Bear - Highly Refined Pirates.
Trap Them - Sleep Well Deconstructor.
Unbroken - life. love. regret.


-XadrianX