Thursday, October 4, 2012

Through the wind...

I often find my self thinking about why I do the things I do. Why do I play music? Why do I enjoy creating an extension of my dark emotions to listen to over and over and over, looping them and adding to them, trying to make them darker, louder, quieter, more subtle, more abrasive, or more listenable. Writing music for me has always been a way to purge my self of what is in my head, but I've recently been entrenched in making what's in my head bigger and stronger, so much that I give it a life of its own. I can only liken it to a dog disobeying its master, eventually its primal nature kicks in and it turns on you. That's what music does to me, although I never thought my music would have the power to do that to me.

I decided that I wanted to create a song that encompasses how I've been feeling lately...I'm at the 12 minute mark and the people I have shown have told me it was dark. I'm going to see how long this song will be...I'm not done with it until I feel like it's done being written.

This post was originally written about a week ago, I drafted it cause I didn't want to write on it anymore.

Here I am a week later, I haven't worked on that song lately...the song title is called "Nothing's Sacred". The title is pretty self explanatory.

It's funny to think about how much my life has changed since...well...since yesterday and the day before and so on and so forth. I would rather spend my time inside my room listening to records, allowing my self to get in my head (embracing it); than be out or around people to take my mind off of everything going on inside my head (rejecting it). I was in a very dark place the other week, one not unlike the ones I used to go to when I was unmedicated, it's a humbling feeling; to know that your bodies chemistry can control you that much, nature dictating your life and literally having your life be at the mercy of nature. I suppose life is funny like that, right?

In other news Children Of God recorded an LP. Since this is my personal blog, I don't care about spoiling anything (nothing to spoil) because no one reads this thing (no one to spoil it to). The album's title is called "We Set Fire To The Sky". The lyrical content of this record is a lot more personal and introspective than anything else I've written and at times the lyrics are not coherent but that doesn't matter to me as I mostly write these words to get my thoughts on paper. I chose the album title because I think that we as a species being so small in the grand scheme of things (although the most destructive) look to the sky for answers, whether it's studying the stars or believing in Christ we see the sky as our life line and answerer of all the questions we have. When I thought of the name I liked the visual idea of literally setting fire to the sky, setting fire to everything every one of us looks to for answers, because our answers can only be found within ourselves...and we can only come to any relevant conclusion for our life when we fully have an understanding of ourselves. So we set out to destroy everything on earth as a species, let's destroy our answers to life's questions, let's allow ourselves to have nothing to ask questions to, nothing but ourselves.

I'm proud of this new record and I've always believed what Neurosis says: "If you don't make a record that you think eclipses your last record....then you've failed."

That's all.