Saturday, January 26, 2008


I'm cutting off all my loose ends that amount to nothing more than dead weight. I can't see the good things, ever. Don't worry about me, I'll do what I need to do. I'm just here to be as tragic as I can be without getting too redundant (although I think I have passed that point). Tonight's Friday night, and for the first Friday since I can remember I'm not depressed. I'm just content. Dare I say excited...about tomorrow. I'm excited about tomorrow for the first time, since I was a little kid and "tomorrow" meant going to a theme park with my friends. I might just be content cause I got some awesome records in the mail today that are making me increasingly happy the more I think about them. I suppose this is the time I should tell you what records they are, but I'm not going to. I don't care to. Cause you don't matter. I'm thinking about something else. I'm thinking about someone else. This post doesn't matter. I'm getting out. I'm getting tired. I'm getting...fuck it, I don't care anymore.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Always Ill.

I'll start this entry off with a it is. There really is no point to this entry, I just feel like writing something, even if I make myself look like an idiot. It's not that hard.

So I'm writing this as my over head lamp (that is placed ever so conveniently over my bed) moves around from side to side from me hitting my head on it as I got up to turn off the light. I'm really a mess right now. But I'm fine with messes, just as long as they are not in my way.
Last night I called it quits early. I went to sleep at about 11:00 p.m. after eating our vegan versions of KFC's "bowls". The coma that ensued after our meal was too much for me to handle. My day basically went like this...Wake, shower, work, eat, sleep. Nothing more, nothing less. Yesterday was my moms birthday, she's almost 50. That's so crazy to think about. I get teary eyed just thinking about her life being half way over. I just got teary eyed typing that. Horrible.
Anyway, to avoid any rant about how I think my mom is the best person on this blue ball, and that how I think she should live forever, I'm going to stop talking about her (although I love her dearly).

This morning I woke up in extreme pain, at about 3 in the morning. I've been up since. I don't know what's wrong with me. I woke up and my stomach didn't hurt, my head didn't hurt, I didn't hit my head on the wall from a dream I was having. I just hurt and I don't know why. I've been up since then. I played some Tony Hawk Pro Skater, read, listened to music, looked at my records, I did everything I could to kill time and or fall asleep and nothing was working. In about an hour I'm about to consume some of the best vegan food anyone can eat. I'm going to bring some for my boss, his life isn't looking so great either and it's bumming me out. He's gone through more shit in the past 25 days then I have ever had to in 19 years of my life. Let me tell you, if it were me, I wouldn't be writing this blog. Someone would be writing this blog about me...whatever that means. It sounded better in my head.

Today is Friday, my worst day. I hate this day. I always have and always will. It will probably end up with me sitting in my room writing about how much I hate this day. Or it might end in me heading to the movies alone to watch a movie, or two, or three. Either way, fuck Fridays.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Day 9/Fin.

Well, tour ended two days ago. I've just been semi busy since I've got home picking up where I left off. I'll recap the last days.

Since I last wrote in this, I was laying down on the back bench of the van, half asleep. I fell asleep very shortly after having typed that. I woke up through out random times in the night hearing blink 182 and no doubt being played loudly as we drove through Nevada. I then woke up about 100 miles out of Vegas. Bryan was falling asleep at 8 in the morning while driving the van, so I told him I'll drive. I drove us to vegas where we stopped at yet another vegan donut shop. To be honest, I was skeptical...but numerous and very trustworthy sources have verified that they are in fact vegan donuts. Kevan and Eric got dozens of donuts, Eric got 2 dozen and a dozen donut holes. It was perfect timing too, right in the morning and they made you feel guilty for having ate them. The donuts definitely reminded me of when I was a little kid and when I used to go to the donut shop down town with my dad to get donuts. If you're in vegas then I definitely suggest you check the place out, it's the only thing worth going to vegas for. So after our donut stop we started on our long treck to Arizona. I drove us on the Hoover damn, Thomas was way stoked on it. He even called his mom to tell her that he was driving on it. We yelled terrorist threats on it, hoping to scare people but no one paid attention...figures. After the damn it was just a lot of desert. Some how Kevan and I convinces Thomas that we drove by the Grand Canyon (he really wanted to see it) while he was asleep. We had him going for about the rest of the day. It was definitely funny to see how upset he was...even though the closest we would get to it would be 200 miles away.

We got into Arizona around three and we went to 7Jens house to pick her up. She was our guide for the night. She showed us the way to American Apperal and Green, the restaurant (which is overrated). I got a new jacket at American Apperal which was nice and I got a small bowl which was disappointing, at Green. We then went to the house where the show was going to be. We hung around for awhile and sat in the random room that was playing the original "dawn of the dead" movie. I'm always up for watching zombie movies. Eventually people got there and I saw old friends. The show started with two openers then us and then a closer. Our set seemed to be the most well received, from what I could tell. I wasn't really paying attention to other bands, having to work stuff out with the guys. Anyways, thanks to the great man, John o'Hagen we made enough money to buy gas for us and then some, that meant no more paying gas out of our own pockets. After the show we went on a crazy adventure to find this really sketchy burrito place. It happened to be the place where I first ate at my first time touring to Arizona. I didn't get anything. We then went to 7Jens friends house (whos name escapes me at the moment) and stayed the night there. She had a nice apartment and she was nice as well. I woke up at 6 and showered and got dressed and woke people up. We were off to home, a 5 hour drive on the 8 down to san diego then back up through orange county to drop me off.

All in all the tour was bitter sweet. I met some nice people who have probably forgotten about me already. Now I'm sitting in my room writing this at 2 a.m. not being able to sleep because there's too much on my mind. I think this is all I have for now.

I'm all love sick for broken white lines,

Friday, January 4, 2008

Day 7/8.

So I've been horrible at keeping this thing updated on a day to day basis. I'll start off where I left off, in the van on our way to redding from Portland Oregon. What can I say? We drove for 10 hours straight. The only thing that happened that was exciting enough to write about was both vans stopping at an exit where there was an abandoned cafe, where we smashed the windows and broke stuff. That was way fun. Nothing else too exciting happened. Joey, from the Separation came into our van with us. I wasn't awake for most of the conversations him and everyone in the van were having.

10 hours later we get home and we have lasagna baked and ready for us. The lasagna was good but the cake they made was fantastic. We all fell asleep pretty early. I know I did.

This morning I woke up at 7 for no apperant reason. I showered and got dressed to leave. We all got up fairly early. We all waited around until noonish and then we headed to the local health food store. After, we went to a really good burrito place in redding. We had to pick up Joey and Harry. The burritos were awesome.

After the burrito place we headed to the gas station and then we were off. It was raining too hard for me to drive comfortably, but I did it any way. The drive was good except for the last hour. We were driving through the mountaints, where we had to drive with chains on our tires. It was just very slow moving and frustrating to drive with chains on our tires.

We finally got to the house we were playing at. The kid was awesome because they recently dumpstered the odwalla factory and they had a grip load of drinks waiting for us. They also cooked for us. I was stoked. Finally we set up but my amp was annoying me so I wasn't really excited about playing, but I did what I had to do. Then the Separation got on and they blew me away as always. The band its self is awesome and them as people rule. I definitely have had the best times on tour with those guys. Tonight wa sour last night with them and it was depressing to let them go. I hope they play some shows with us down south soon. As I said it was depressing saying goodbye to all those guys.

I am sitting in the van right now on our 12 hour drive on our way to phoenix Arizona for our last show of the tour. It doesn't feel like the tour since we aren't playing with the Separation. I can't wait to see them again. I'm come home tomorrow.

P.s. We got the separations van one last time with a chocolate protein odwalla all over their window.

My life is an endless succession of people saying "goodbye",

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Day 5/6.

Right now I'm sitting in a college rec. room, using Nate's laptop and the schools wireless internet to type this blog. Let me give you a recap of the day yesterday and today.

Yesterday morning I slept in the van because I was so drained after the show at camp nowhere. That morning (as I wrote in the previous post) I woke up to shit smeared on every window in our van. I walked into the house where everyone was sleeping and I confronted our roadie Bryan who has been smearing shit everywhere on this tour. We then retaliated with shit on their van. Eventually we all showered and then we started the very slow process of cleaning up the vans. In short we all ran around with poop covered napkins wiping them on each others vans/door handles. I ended up with poop all over my hands and I ran around throwing up or close to throwing up. I rad as fast as I could have into the house and washed my hands for 5 minutes straight. The rest of the day I was psychologically suffering being paranoid that I smelled like feces. After we spent an hour hosing down our vans we went on our way to arayas all you can eat vegan thai restaurant. We ran into my room mate Chris and Ashley who were on vacation in Seattle, it was nice having lunch with those two. We discussed once again the zombie apocalypse with Thomas, Ben, and mosher Matt. I love those talks, they keep me sane and prepared for the inevitable end. After Arayas we went to Radio shack to try and find a phone charger for Eric. After the failed mission in Radioshack we went to American Apperal. I got a cardigan (i dont know why) and a nice v neck sweater. I'm actually wearing them both right now. After American Apperal we headed to singles going steady, a nice record store with a bunch of history surrounding it. I got The Promise Ring "Nothing feels good" cd and a few seven inches. After the record store we headed to Bremerton and got to the Tiki house. The guy who booked the show, Evan is a very nice kid. I wish I had a house like him when I was younger. I always wanted to book hardcore shows at my own house. But, at the same time I'm glad I didn't because my house would have been a mess, like his is/was last night. Anyway, I thought we played a good set. The show got as good as it could get. After the show I just fell asleep in the van at 11, before the count down. I felt kind of shitty and depressed, I don't know why, but I suppose that's how I always get around this time of the year.

This morning I woke up and showered and got all dressed. We walked to Albertsons where we acquired some food. We walked back in time to catch everyone as they were waking up. Kevan, Eric, Thomas, Joey, Ben, Harry, and I all sat in the separations van just chatting about random stuff. I think this is the most connected I've ever been with a band on tour. On previous tours we split up and don't really do much together, but this tour almost everything we do is together. After everyone woke up, we headed on our way to Olympia where we heard about some vegan restaurants. The first two we checked were closed. We went to this really good burrito place down town and had some food. Everyone wanted to hang out around town since the show wasn't for a few hours. I told everyone in our band that we should just get to the place we're playing cause I was tired. So we headed to the college, and the room we were playing in was very hard to find. We asked people and they didn't really know what we were talking about. Then we pulled up to this hippy guy who was upset with our van being so much so he asked us to turn off our van "because of the carbons"..then said "thanks brother". He totally ignored the fact that turning on the car releases more carbons than having it running in idle. I hope I made his day by turning off our van.

Finally we call the Separation guys and tell them to meet up with us so they can show us where it is, do to certain members having previously played there. Anyway, we had to drive down some walk way to get to the rec room. We got there and it was a relief, no one was there and it was just a big living room. We had ping pong, air hockey, pool, wireless internet, bathrooms and other such things. We hung out for about an hour and then loaded in. Josh, the kid who booked the show and who has previously booked 7 generations shows up in Olympia arrived and we greeted him. We started arranging the place, moving couches/tables/etc. Kids started showing up, a lot of the kids from last nights show showed up. Those kids are crazy, they brought their skateboards with them and were skating inside the building, grinding random things and skidding acrossed the floor. Those kids give me a small glimpse of hope because they're happy and have a good time, always. Anyway, the show started, it was pretty small. The first 3 bands are bands that we've played with numerous times on this tour. Those guys are nice. One of the bands guitarists had a smiths patch sewed onto his back pocket so that was awesome. The Separation then went on, those dudes are what keep me sane. I love watching them play because they're all different personalities meshing together to play one style of music, and they do it well. We then went on and I thought it was a good set. I didn't like the part where my chord was cutting out but whatever. After our set, a lot of people said that it was the best set they've seen us play in awhile. I was flattered. It's nice getting those kinds of compliments sometimes. Sometimes you wonder why you even do it. Why do we tour to not make money? Or not get paid? I know why, but a lot of people think we're crazy for doing it. One more band went on, I wasn't paying attention though cause I went to go get our van and pull it up to the venue to load in. After we all loaded up and said our goodbyes we went back to that burrito place. I got sweet potato fries which were nothing compared to veggie grills. We then went back to Josh's house and got all settled. Everyone fell asleep pretty early but I was up all night on aim, trying to stay awake. Eventually I fell asleep talking to the person (sorry). I always do that. I remember at one point one of the cats came and sat on my neck and just layed there and wanted to sleep there. That was one of my favorite cats I have encountered. Eventually the cat got annoyed with me trying to find a way to get comfortable with it on my neck, and just got up and left.

This morning I woke up at 8 because we were supposed to leave at 9. Everyone got ready pretty quickly and we all went outside where our vans were running and ready for us to get into. Then the separation attacked us. They ran out of their van and got a fire extinguisher and blew it on our front windshield. All the chemicals came into the vents and we all started choking and our eyes started burning. That was a very creative move on their part. I'm glad we have all banned the feces smearing. The last time was pretty gross.

And now here I am in the van, typing this on our way to Portlands vegan grocery store "food fight!". I am excited to see their new location. Today is our day off, but we have a 12 hour drive ahead of us. We'll see what happens on this long drive. We should be getting into Redding at 11 p.m. Tonight.

Falling with no one to catch me,