I come baring gifts...

www.theunholychildren.blogspot.com

Distortion knob at 100.

Like virgin vinyl, in bed.

So I got my records out and they are completely fine. I woke up in the AM the next day to look through the shed and they weren't there. My mom told me she actually didn't move them, they were in the back of our walk in closet. Thank the unholy gods. Anyway, I gave my record player away to someone who I thought might appreciate it more than I did at the time, they probably still do. It was more of an incentive to buy a new one and that I did. 50 bucks for a brand new one that ISN'T manual. It was a steal deal. My dad bought a system at a garage sale for 20 bucks and I'm currently using that, it sounds great. I've haven't been this happy in a long time. I'm sitting here looking out the window and listening to vinyl, what a nice day before work.

Today is the last day unbroken will ever play again and I'm not there. I'm very sad to not be there, but at the same time I have had my time with them in May. It was one of the best times of my life, no one will ever know that feeling. So in honor of not seeing them tonight I watched their short chapter on the Indecision DVD and have listened to the limited vinyl they had at their shows this past may. It's great. I texted Steve to wish him a happy show and my best wishes are with the rest of the guys. I'm stuck here, but it's not so bad.

Band practice tonight. A nice fix of Distortion should do the trick.

Burdened Bird.

I'm taking some time off of my lazy day to write about my recent purchase(ses).

Camera: Canon 20D. I've used them before, they are awesome cameras that allow me to remember the past and alter it with photoshop. I've taken a good amount of picture already, some that I will post here...but not yet. Fuck that Nikon shit.

Jacket: Pleather/Hoodie jacket from Obey. 93 dollars...was it worth it? Probably not, but I've been wanting one for a while so I might as well treat my self.

I've been spending money like it's going out of style. Not a bad idea for a 21 year old homeless kid that isn't working his social security and will more than likely die within the next 5 years (god willing). I've been writing a lot, spending a lot, hating a lot more, and being a lot more irritable than usual. That's what skipping your meds does to you I suppose. Next week I fly to Texas to play with our good friends in Die Young. I've never been so excited to go to Texas. I have a new camera, a new jacket, I guess I'm ready to party. I fly back the next day to see Sunny Day Real Estate in LA. What a hectic month.

A lot of nothing has been said in this post, it seems to be the re-occurring theme of this blog.

Playlist:

Psychic T.V. - Themes
The Album Leaf - An Orchestrated Rise To Fall
Adamantium - From The Depths Of Depression
Eyelid - If It Kills
Dinosaur Jr. - Where You Been?

A ton of lead belly and Hopkins.

Fin.

No where is where we are.

I'm typing this as I sit at my moms house. It's been a crazy couple days. I've been completely reclusive and I'm here cause I want to get away from everybody. Unfortunately I gave up my room to my brother and his kid so that means when I'm here I have to sleep on the couch, luckily it's comfortable.

I was JUST reminded that my records have been put out in the shed, the shed that gets hit by the blistering southern california sun all summer. I'm having a panic attack thinking about my records being warped. God, I don't know what I'm going to do if that's the case. That's records I've been collecting since I was 13 all gone. I'd probably keep them for sentimental value, but there's nothing like putting on the old Excessive force 7inch or the suedehead single. Man, I'm moving them out tomorrow morning. I'm crossing my fingers, hoping for the best.

I've decided that I am buying a camera. Photography has always been a well kept secret-passion of mine. It's everybodies, I know, but I feel like I have the artistic vision for it. I won't treat it as anything more than a hobby. Monday I will meet up with someone from craigslist (thank god for this website) and purchase a canon 20d. I'm quite familiar with the camera and I feel confident enough to edit my photos with photoshop which I am learning how to use on my own (thank god for google/youtube).

I ran in a sweat suit tonight, you know those suits that look like trash bags? Yeah, one of those, when you take them off you have to drain the sweat/water out. It's gross, but goodbye to calories. I'm in love with the thought of losing weight.

Oh yeah, I stopped by my local record store, vinyl solution to see what they have going on and to no avail I spent 50 dollars on 2 smiths records, a from ashes rise seven inch and a sugar cubes promo press for a certain someone. I miss going there and spending my parents money on "Crucial" hardcore 7 inches. To be young again.

That's about all I got for the night.

Here's what I've been listening to.

Morrissey - Southpaw grammar, Maladjusted, Vauxhall And I, and Your Arsenal remastered versions. It's like hearing him for the first time all over again.

Pick these records up...they have some extra tracks, the latter 2 are DIY remasters...you can find them on mediafire.

Mastodon - Crack The Skye, amazing god damn record. I cannot get over it.

That's really all I've been listening to, sometimes I put on Swans "love will tear us apart" ep. Good cover, better than the original in my opinion.

Goodbye.

Lower than the streets.

I haven't written on here much. I've been...busy?

I work 3 days a week and write/listen to music any time I'm not at my job. If you read this and live in the area...come get pierced.

I've been hitting the gym (I know, I hate that word too...I hate that whole sentence, actually). I run 2 miles on the treadmill and do 2 miles on the elliptical machine...then on to 10 minutes on the stationary bike. Let's say my main focus is cardio and stamina. I've got it. I feel great and I'm trying (not really) to eat better (6+ cookies today).

I also joined the world of the googlephone. This thing is fantastic...I'm not going to go on about it too much, but let's just say it's t mobiles answer to the iphone. I've been hearing rumors that Tmobile will be buying out AT&T so...maybe an Iphone is in my future? Who knows. Who cares.

Children Of God will be heading into the studio next month (hopefully?). I've been putting a lot of effort into writing the music and lyrics for this project. If this actually gets done...I will feel VERY accomplished.

Last night I went to go see the Pains of being pure at heart.


Seriously, they're the best band I've seen all year...they're so tight live and they're just extremely catchy dreampop. I've got shoegaze songs written and it's been quite some time since I've tried to get something started with that...who knows...maybe I'll try again some day. Get their new ep "Higher than the stars"...amazing 4 songs.

Here's some records I've been listening to...




Gira...that's all I have to say.




One of the most influential albums of all time for me.









One of the most influential bands of all time for me as well...Blake is pure genius. I'm glad I got to see Thorns Of Life play live at least once. Unfortunately I've heard they departed already. Too bad.




Need I say more about this record?


That's all. This was all over the place...but who cares. Hopefully next time I post I'll have distortion recorded for your ears.

Love is a life of eternal pain.

I suppose an update is due at this time.

I've been home for 8 days and it hit me hard today. I've worked twice since being back and it's nice to have income...but it's definitely not life on the road.

So far I've eaten a good amount of burritos, cooked good food (bad for your health, but good for the fat kid in you). And practiced with the new project. We have one more song to finish and then it's into the studio for a demo. This will be the first time I'll be recording bass in the studio...it should be fun. I'm really excited for the outcome of this...I'm excited to see what this turns into. I've been writing these songs for a while and I think they have my full devotion.

I watched Godfather tonight for the first time (I know, I know)...and I must say even though it is a good movie, it was kind of disappointing. It dealt more with the politics of running a mafia family. I'm all for it...but for the most part, I feel well versed in that aspect of the mafioso lifestyle. I like movies with a lot of killing. I like movies that portray the gruesome aspect of that kind of life. Regardless Pacino does a great job in that movie (like he does in almost all of his movies). Brando was also fantastic, it was sad to see the slow death of his character, he did it so well.

That's all for now. Expect to hear distortion soon.

Playlist:
Jux Thoth - S/T
Another Victim - A Portrayal of Vengeance
Jesu - Infinity (40 minute song? Yes please)
Electric Wizard - We Live
Graves At Sea - /Asunder split
Godflesh - Messiah
Brand New - Devil And God/Daisy

Commanding views towards the inevitable.

Expect this one to be short.

After almost a year of contemplation and many more bottled up, I finally put my self out there. I made a page for some stuff I wrote. I've always been afraid of the harsh scrutiny of the internet and the critics that don't know how to be critics. Like I said, it was bound to happen...so with out any further a due here it is.

The song is about self sabotage. Losing a good thing (or a thing you think is "good"). Not much else to it.

I've been writing music since I was 12 (read: I've been writing suicide notes since I was 12). I've never been afraid to perform in front of people but I've always been nervous to try and sing to my music. I've recorded many songs and have damned many more to the pits of the apple "trash" icon. Something inside me told me to just put it out there. So...I did. I figured the world is riddled with plenty of other bullshit "artist" so why not add mine to the trash pile. I have more songs to record and many more words to put to music...but I don't expect this to flower into something more than just me recording my songs on a laptop and putting them on the world wide dread.

Good night and good luck.

P.S. New Brand New is amazing...anyone who says their "old stuff is better" is not worthy of having an opinion on music or let alone having a brain.

The places we go to die are never too far from home...

It's 7 AM California time. I'm back home after 2 months of zig zagging across the world. Last night we got in to LAX exactly on time. 13 hours of flying and watching lackluster movies (although, I'm a sucker for shitty movies) the day was finally over in one of the worst cities in America. I hate LA...but back to a "Recap".

Rome...I can't say anything that can some up my amazing experience in that beautiful city. Every day there was something to do, there was never a boring experience while we were in that place. We did all the touristy shit, Vatican, Coliseum, Sistine, Pizza, Pasta, etc. etc. From time to time Josh would take me places on the back of his scooter...I've never ridden on the back of one...being on the back of one in Rome was probably the best thing you can do if you wanted a natural high of almost dying at every street light, complete chaos, there are no dividing lines for cars; any space a car can fit into it was squeezed into.



One of the most surreal experiences I had while there was when I rode Joshes bike into town early in the morning. No cars, no tourists, no taxis, no bullshit. I rode the bike as fast as I could down the main road to get to the down town area, partially because it had been so long since I had done physical activity and because riding a bike as fast as you could is always fun. I rode down the cobble stone roads that took you into tiny little plazas and streets unscathed by tourists...and if they had been there, they weren't there because it was 2 am. I found my way to the Coliseum, that's where I sat down and couldn't believe I was in front of that building. It was insane to think that since elementary school we were taught about Rome and its history, and the Coliseum being one of the main focuses of our lessons, everything from Gladiators to Christians being fed to lions...I was right there in front of that very building where all that happened. How many people from my school have gone and done what I was doing? How many people got to ride a bike to the Roman Coliseum and got to just sit there and take it all in? Probably none. I sat there for a good hour thinking about it, watching couples sit together on the steps of this massive building or sitting on the lawn that was next to it. If there was a time in my life where I thought I was lucky, this was then. I got to travel Europe for two months, doing what I loved. Read: I got to spend time in Rome all because of this stupid music of mine. No one in my family has ever and will never do that. I was luck to be there, and a couple days later I'm still thinking the same thing. Cloud 9.







And now I'm home. Back to the monotonous every day life. I can't say I'm not happy to be home. Let's say if I had a band that toured 9 months out of the year, I would not be bummed.

When you're in Rome...get a fucking air conditioner.

Day 2 in Rome.

Since the last time I updated I:

- Slept in Frankfurt airport from 5 AM - about 10 AM.
- Spent all day in said air port (luckily there was a grocery store with vegan groceries).
- Took a bus to Frankfurts little brother airport, Hahn and slept there.
- Woke up at 5 to board the air plane.
- Flew into this heatbox of a city (although it is still beautiful).
- Spent all day at a fest we played with our good friends in To Kill.
- Have wanted to kill my self for the lack of coolness in this place.

Now I'm sitting with 3 other people in this little studio that has no AC and one revolving fan. It's a place to sleep at least. Plus, it's nice to be in the company of good people. Josh is an amazing individual and I'm really glad I've got 3 more days left with him.

Today we will be doing touristy shit, vatican, coliseum, chapel, etc. etc.

We also heard from Josh that there is a place that sells vegan donuts (!!!) so of course we will be stopping by and trying these rare foods. We also have some new friends that we met that have been traveling Europe since we've been here that told us it's next door to an ice cream shop. Heat = Ice Cream.

I miss Mighty O donuts. If I had the money I'd fly to Seattle just to eat those things.

Done.

Day 49. This is final.

I'm sitting in Belgium after eating a nice meal from the awesome food stand at Ieper fest. French Fries, Seitan sandwich, and a gingerbread ice cream...a vegan couldn't ask for more.

Tonight was our last show of the tour and I'm happy to say that it's over. It's nice to know I fly to Rome for a week to just hang out and go sight seeing. After a week in Rome it's time to fly back home to get back to the daily grind. I will miss the shitty drives, bread filled dinners, and funny chants...and I mean that honestly. It was a good first experience and a long one at that. Getting to know Outrage and the other bands I got to know has been awesome. I actually met some people with substance and who can actually make me talk.



I have a busy schedule ahead of me though...October 10th I will be flying into Houston Texas to play Die Youngs last show with 7 Generations. Maybe a possible Seattle trip on the 3rd to see UNBROKEN? Who knows. Then it all comes down to The 24th of October; 7 Generations final show. That night I'll be giving an ode to bad luck, some ridiculous people, and unfortunately some people I might never see after that. Regardless it's about time to call it a day for that one.

I know I keep saying this but when I get home all distortion will be unleashed in a new project...I'm giving it everything I got and more. Let me assure you that it will ruin lives and at the least, ears. Revenge is a dish best served with a side of distortion.

That's all I've got. I'm horrible at tour wrap ups. Maybe I can think of some other way to articulate how the tour went, but if not this will suffice. Tonight drive to Frankfurt then hang out at the air port for a day and off to Rome.

"you're the kind of person that goes places in life"

I'm sitting this on the third story of a flat we're staying at, in Nottingham England. Today was our last day off of the tour, we have 3 more days left on this roller coaster of a tour. Sadly after all is said and done, I will miss the no sleep, long drives, shitty turn outs and mass consumption of bread. Regardless, I cannot wait to come home and lay in bed and play my guitar some more.

So I suppose this is an update: Yesterday we played with Trash Talk, this was our second show with those guys and tomorrow is our third and last. I've always known Spencer, their bass player, but I never knew the other guys, getting to know them these past couple of days has been good. Their sets are always out of control, which is not surprising, being that I've played with them multiple times at home and have seen their reactions there. I'll look forward to seeing those guys when I'm back at home.

Now if you read my post previous to this, you'd see a picture of me infront of the infamous Lads club. Yes, I went there. Yes, I went to Strangeways prison. Yes, I went to Vinyl Revival, where Morrissey buys records and bought something for my self. Yes, I was happy and miserable in Manchester. Standing infront of the lads club was so surreal, I almost didn't expect it to be an actual place. I walked up to the building and ran my fingers across the brick walls thinking "Morrissey has touched these walls before"...I knocked on the door hoping someone would open them and let me in the Morrissey shrine room. "I know my luck too well" though, and as fate would have it, there was no door keeper allowing me into the little piece of heaven. I was still satisfied. Manchester, so much to answer for...I wish you'd answer the door.

Today we went to a vegan restaurant in the morning and ate a semi good breakfast...it might have been too much for how good the food was, but I suppose anything beats bread and jelly for breakfast. After the vegan restaurant we walked around the down town area and watched kids jump into water fountains and watched them go into a man made beach right in the middle of a downtown square. I looked around for some shoes I might have wanted to buy, but I didn't see anything I wanted. Tomorrow we will be going to the Fred Perry store and getting something, possibly?

London Thursday, Belgium Friday, Rome Sunday - Thursday.

I knew it was going to happen someday.

England is swine and it owes me a living.

Good things come in twos.

I'm currently in Hungary, not sure where in Hungary, but maybe 3 hours away from Budapest.

I'm not sure where I left off but the past couple of days have been pretty good. We've been playing with Soul Control, I've seen them multiple times but I've only ever known one of the members who now isn't in the band. So getting to meet the rest of the band this time around has been nice. The shows have been good and the food has been good as well. I really can't complain.

Last night while in Romania we saw a man sitting on a park bench huffing something out of a plastic bag and masturbating in public...literally sitting there doing his thing. Just when I thought it couldn't get weirder; he climaxed into the bag and started huffing again. A group of us stood there and watched this happen...my mind is still blown.

Other than that, that's been the highlight of the last couple days.

We're playing a fest in Hungary called Risefest. 13 bands and we don't go on for maybe 4 more hours. I'm taking the time to collect thoughts and such.

We went swimming today in a nice little lake, played some punch volley ball and threw sand at each other. Yeah, we're children.

That's all I got for now. I'm currently listening to an audiobook version of Henry Rollins "Get In The Van" and I'm liking it so far. I've also been playing ALOT of solitaire and am getting pretty good at it.

I come home in two more weeks. I'm excited to see some people, excited to work on that new project and blow peoples ears off. Prefuckingpare.

Fact over fiction.

I haven't had much time/desire to write, sorry. I started off naive and idealistic (dont we all?); thinking I was going to write in this every day. Something in me snapped. I wanted to stop looking at things as something "blogworthy" and instead take them in mentally and keep some of those things as my own, in that moment and not taint them with words that could not even come close to capturing the things I saw or feelings I had while seeing these things...to tell you the truth nothing that exciting has happened, it's just a matter of trying to stay disconnected.

Now I'm writing this in the Czech republic as everyone around me sleeps (snores) and I lie awake with no desire/need to sleep. Natural coffee kicks in around midnight here (4 in the U.S.) I might just sleep in the van tomorrow on our drive to Slovakia. It's 3 am here...now maybe 4, but again; no desire to sleep.

The show tonight was small and intimate, I like shows like that. I'd prefer 5 people staring at me playing guitar than 30. The room was small and the hosts were great. We got into town around 6 and ate noodles (straying away from the traditional European bread meals) with fake meat sauce. Gas station food and left over bread from previous shows doesn't always cut it, so I look forward to my only meal a day.

The tour has been going somewhat smoothly, we have about 11 more shows left and then we're off to Rome to hang out for 5 days. I fly home on the 4th. When I get home I just want to take a long nap. Don't bother calling, writing, emailing, myspacing, whatever it is you do, don't do it.

After my somewhat desirable rest I will continue working on a project that a friend and I have been brainstorming for the past few months. It requires distortion, it requires anger, it requires pain, it requires suffering. I'm sure you know what it is. I promise you, this will be good. I'm putting everything I have into this next project. I make the rules. I break them.

I will leave you with an aesthetic clue:

Everything And Nothing.

Words cannot describe how crazy and hectic these last few days have been since my last update.

I ended in St. Petersberg...so we'll start from there.

St Petersberg show, insane, small, hot, sweaty, tons of kids, Russians being crazy. Right after our show (ended at 11:45) we had to catch a train to Moscow at 1:00 AM. We walked to the bus station from the venue. That sucked...but our tickets were paid for so we couldn't complain. Cue: 8 hour train ride over night to Moscow. Cue: Employees getting drunk, people sleeping under benches and in vents on the train. Absolute chaos turns into tossing and turning with little to no sleep on an over night train ride. Woke up with a sore neck and back...whatever, I'm on tour.

Moscow: Arrive at 9ish...get on the subway...first thing I notice is blood splattered on the subway doors from some drunk Russians fighting earlier in the morning...we then go to the promoters flat and hang out and play a round of Pride Fighting for play station (Guess who won?). We meet Dima our tour guide for the day, the guy who tells us where to go and where not to go do to Nazis and other dangers in Moscow. We march red square, see lenins tomb, other candy land looking buildings, take some pictures, go to the biggest church in Moscow, see a mummified priest. Get kicked out for loitering and looking like heathens. We walk around more (literally like 6 hours of walking)...take the subway, walk through with out paying. Head to the venue, huge stage, huge venue (hatebreed could have played there), huge back stage, meet some friends from our previous night in st. petersberg, even our little hand tattooed 16 year old friend. Amazing kid. Show starts and surprisingly it wasn't awkward to play on a stage that high...bunch of kids having fun, a kid jumping off the balcony. Apparently Nazis came in during our set and they got stomped on. Good to hear. The anti fascist movement over here is crazy and makes the states look like a joke. People actually die over here, molotovs, bombs, fire bombs, beatings, stabbings, etc. etc. After our set, we have to leave to the train station again (8 hour train ride to Bryansk) this time we have beds and it was way more relaxing. It was fun, regardless. Head to sleep and arrive in bryansk shortly after (no sleep till...bryansk?).

Bryansk Russia:
5AM wake up and head to the flat we were staying at. I made the mistake of trying to catch up with people back home...I wait till people are finally awake and we eat some food. Cue: Ipod shitting out and my life being in shambles. Words cannot describe how sad I was/am. Life. Plug. Regret. Anyway, head to the venue, the show was in a museum and it was insane, again...that's the theme of eastern Europe so far. People stage diving, making the roof fall through, and they don't even know the words. They just love the music. Anyway...we hang out outside until our rides show up. What happens? A drunk fight happens...it was over as soon as it began, people exchanging numbers, emails, and other things knowing we'll forget them/erase them/wash them off our bodies. Finally our rides arrive...we head to the promoters house and we try to find tickets home (thinking we were all going home cause up till now, tour has kind of sucked). No dice. For a second I thought the world was coming down on me and I quickly realized that I'd rather go through this then sit on a couch and watch t.v. all day.

Fast forward a couple hours...get in a van and head to the russian/ukraine border...anticipating the outcome of us being able to get in. We can either get in and it's smooth sailing or we can get denied and be stranded in Russia for days. After a couple minutes of brief paranoia and dealing with a driver who didn't speak english...we get through.

Half way there...we meet Dennis, our Ukrainian promoter and he guides us through the process of entering into his country. Fill out a few papers, lie about money, and we're 3/4 of the way in. Now to passport control...Ukrainian soldier asks if we're American and with hesitation we all say yes...a big smile lights up his face and he says "OBAMA!" with a thumbs up. He asks to see our bags and asks if we have ganja, we say no. We're through. We take three cars to our first stay in Ukraine. The name escapes me, but we got to the flat and we head to sleep. The late afternoon sun has a way of waking you up whether you want it to or not. Regardless we all wake up and watch the Ukraine version of MTV, waiting for our crazy host to get to his 1 of 4 houses that he owns. He's always in a rush, but he's always late. Gotta love the irony. Anyway, he comes by (2 hours after he said he'd be there) and tells us 7 people can go with him. Me and 2 others decide to stay and watch more television that we do not understand, except for the occasional Justin Timberlake video that pops up. An hour and a half goes by and still no sign of us being picked up. Apparently Alex had forgot about us and he finally has to be reminded to come get us. He comes and gets us and we arrive to the venue (which is basically just an abandoned garage) and immediately we are greeted with smiles and hand shakes. We don't look Ukrainian and we don't dress like them so we have to be American. We make small talk with the locals who are stoked on us being there. They love America, grunge, seattle, Nirvana, Pennywise, NOFX, and others that I stopped caring about in 9th grade (except Nirvana). Time to play. Chaos, again and again and again. It was more chaotic post set. I was kissed by at least 4 guys and a few girls...I did not consent. I was signed and I signed stuff as well. That's always weird. But these kids were just grateful that we came to their country to play music. I was happy to make them happy. After the chaos and the dust settled we headed back to the flat we stayed at and made pasta with pasta sauce that was literally ketchup. I couldn't complain. Here you eat what you can, especially with our dietary restrictions. Eat. Sleep. Wake up. Shower. T.V. Get in another van again.

Kyiv, Ukraine:

Here I am typing this in one of the nicest apartments I have ever stayed in. Dennis our promoter is a computer wiz I suppose and it shows. We have 3 days in the Ukraine at this very nice establishment. Hopefully all goes well here. The show tonight was fun and not as chaotic, but still worth all the hard ships we've gone through. I think it's time for me to stop writing.

Pictures to come.

P.S. My ipod was restored (sadly my music is gone, but I'll have it back).

I think I can live with 15 gigs of music as opposed to 78.

Currently listening to Jarboe and Neurosis. This is fantastic.

From Russia, with hate.

St Petersberg Russia.

Im sitting in the middle of downtown St Petersberg typing this. I don't have much time, but to summarize tour...crazy. We're doing the next six days in Russia and the Ukraine via bus and train with out a translator. So far Russian hardcore kids are the nicest I have encountered. Tomorrow, Moscow Russia.

Hopefully the rest of these shows go well. 3 and a half weeks of tour left.

Non existent.

I've lost the desire to update about this tour as much as I have been. Reasons being a million, so that means you won't know.

To sum up the past 4 or 5 days.

Depression.
No Meds.
Writing at its prime.
Thoughts of better times.
Premonitions.
Nightmares.
Long Drives.
Longer nights.
Guilt.
Frustration.
Lack of motivation to do anything other than sleep.
Fluff Fest being insane.
Moshvalley fest.
Distortion at an all time high.
Laughs at an all time high.
Having a love hate relationship with wanting to be home.


I'm working on a day to day writing project. It should be...interesting. More updates...whenever I feel like it.

Day 15.

Last nights show was small...and by small I mean like 6 people. The past 2 nights our sleeping situations have been great though. This morning when we woke up we were surprised with a good amount of food. I had some granola and yogurt which is something I try to have on tour all the time. It felt good to eat something other than bread.

We stopped in Frankfurt on the way to the show to pick up our russian visas...we were successful. Hopefully we don't get turned away at the border...or hopefully I don't get jumped by Nazis.

Three hour drive to Castle, Germany. We got there early and went to the local mall. Eventually we got the security guards upset from yelling and throwing change down three stories. The show was actually really big tonight...about 100 people...that's good for this tour. I played sloppy, but I was into it.

Drunk German rappers are hilarious.

Tomorrow a fest called "mosh valley". Should be interesting.

Day 12. Day 13. Day 14.

Day 12.



We played a squat in Milan, Italy after our nice little stint in the hotel. We got into the city kind of early, so we went sight seeing. It seemed like the whole city was centered around a giant cathedral, we walked around and took some pictures. Architecture has always been a mild interest of mine and the structure and effort that was put into this giant religious building did not disappoint me. Timm got in trouble for riding a giant lion statue.



We got to the squat and there was a giant Turkey walking around...being a Turkey. After a nice little walk we came back to the squat and saw that the food was ready, a giant bowl of rice...literally the biggest bowl of food I have ever seen. It was possibly the best food we've had this whole tour. I felt like I was at 7 Gen show because there was a ton of crust punks there, I'm not going to lie, I felt at home. The crowd response was great, especially for Outrage. So far Italy has probably been the best country to be in and play to.

Day 13.



We had a 6 hour drive to Kontstanz, Germany. People tend to get a little crazy once they've been sitting in a van for that long. I'd rather be doing this than sitting in an office though. Luckily James has been kind enough to let me use his camera whenever I want.

The venue we played at was a small bar and the turn out was pretty alright for a Germany show. So far the shows in Germany have been less than good...but this one made up for it. There really wasn't much to say about the show.

Day 14.

I'm typing this as I sit in the same place BSI and Verse have played. It's a little anarchist collective and again...I feel good here. I don't have much to write, except that the guy at subway that hassled me for getting someone elses cup for my own drink was an idiot. Who cares about their job that much? It's a drink.

Maybe tomorrow I'll update this thing.


Playlist:

Brand New - The Devil...
Bonnie "Prince" Billy - Lie Down In The Light
Swans - Various Failures
The Angels of Light - How I Loved You
Dinosaur JR. - Everything

Day 11.

I just woke up in our nice little hotel (I know, right?). This is the first time I've stayed in a hotel on tour, and on this tour. We've been sleeping in the van and on peoples floors like I'm used to, but apparently the promoter had some kind of deal worked out with the owner of the hotel. It was definitely nice to sleep a good nights sleep with out having to feel like we were intruding on someones home.

Last nights show was great. The crowd went wild for our set and the rest of the bands were fantastic. I'm really surprised on the way outrage sounds, they are heavily Quicksand influenced and I would have never guessed. We've been playing a lot of shows with this band from Argentina called Reconcile. They're a faster youth crew style band and they're actually really good. They're all incredibly nice as well.

Tonight we play a vegan cafe in Milan Italy, hopefully things go as well as they did last night.

Day 8. Day 9. Day 10.

Day 8 Lisboa Portugal.

It was about a 3 hour drive to Lisboa from Faro. Much like Faro, the town didn't liven up until the sun went down; well actually it didn't liven up at all. I was surprised as many people showed up as there were. The show did pretty good, although we didn't. Timm lost his voice and I broke a string for the second time this tour. After the show we drove to Toulouse, France.

Day 9 Toulouse France.

This was our third France show. We got into town pretty late and ended up hanging around a shopping mall so the guys could get their wifi on. I went the whole day with out the internet, but I didn't mind. It was nice to not be connected. The show was held at a Karaoke bar and it didn't do THAT well. I think it's expected these days. 2 semi unknown bands on tour for the first time. I think it's the experience that counts. After the show the bar opened up to the "normal" crowd and the Karaoke began. Some of the guys were singing Queen, Van Halen, and things of the like. It was funny for a couple songs, but after a while I just wanted to get going. So we began our second night drive for Vicenza, Italy.



Day 10 Vicenza Italy.

We got here mid day and I suddenly began to feel the heat of this country. There's a lot of good photo opportunities, I wish I had a camera but James is letting me use his camera. I finally had vegan gilato. This place had Chocolate flavored gilato. I got 5 Euros worth and it tasted amazing. It seems like I always type these things (blog updates) in public, where everyone stares at me. I suppose I'd do the same if I saw some weird tattooed guy on a computer in the middle of the street. I'm hoping our show goes well tonight. I remember I used to talk to this girl on the internet in like 2003 and she told me how good the shows were here. That was a long time ago though. That's all I got for right now. Tonight we stay in a hotel? How weird. I've never had a professionally booked tour done for me...and ironically I've never been on a tour this bad financially. Thankfully I'm not paying for it. I'll always stick to DIY booking when I tour.

Day 7.

I am typing this as we sit on the coastal town of Faro Portugal. We went to the beach today and the water was actually see through. It felt nice to finally get into an ocean...it was my first time in the Atlantic.

Last nights show in Spain was a good time. We played a pretty solid set, except for the fact that I broke a string. Dan, Outrages guitarists was nice enough to lend me his guitar. After the show we took more group pictures and then we headed on our way to Portugal for a nice 12 hour drive (sarcasm). We got here early and proceeded to do what I said we did above.

I'll write more later

Day 6

So the show last night was a good turn out. It seems as though Europeans love the music and love watching live bands, but they don’t really mind what band it is as long as it’s live music they can have fun to. I can appreciate that. I’ve never been one to tour for money, so I don’t think it really matters if we sell merch or not. This has already been an unforgettable experience.

I’m typing this as we drive through Spain. We’re playing Bilbao tonight. I want to point out the irony of the fact that the song “Mexico” came on as we were driving through. It’s no secret that my bloodline comes from Mexico, which comes from Spain by conquest. This city is just as gorgeous as the deeper parts of Mexico. I suppose it should help that I know Spanish when we need to get around tonight. We have a night drive tonight, hopefully we all get some sleep. So far this tour has been the no sleep tour, I think our bodies are still adjusting to the time change, so we stay up late. France has treated us well. I hope I can say the same about Spain.

Tomorrow we get to go to the beach. That’s pretty crazy.

Play list so far on this tour:
City & Colour – Bring Me Your Love Demos
Swans – White Light To The Mouth of Infinity
Dinosaur Jr. – Where You Been? Dinosaur and Farm
Morrissey – Years of Refusal
New Order – Collections
Death In June – The Guilty Have No Past
Jets To Brazil – Perfecting Loneliness

Day 4 and 5

Day 4 - Paris France.

Let me say that it lives up to the hype. The people are very nice. The culture is fantastic. Gypsies are real. And the Eiffel Tower is a great piece of architectural history. The show was the best of the tour so far. The people at the show were nice as well. The food was great. I really have no complaints.

After our show we went to the eiffel tower with our new French friends and did a bunch of toursity stuff. We stayed out until 3 in the morning. I got to do the whole kiss a person on both sides of the cheek goodbye thing.

Day 5 - Bordeaux France.

I'm sitting in front of a cathedral right now as I type this. We drove 7 hours to get here and it is one of the nicest places I have ever been to. We watched Goodfellas in the van on our way here. I will up date this later after the show, if I can.

I will also add a lot of pictures.

Day 3.

So after the show we go back to the place where we ate lunch. It was really accommodating...I showered finally after 3 days and then as I was about to fall asleep, I heard a loud rumbling coming from down stairs. The promoter forgot to mention that the place we were staying at was on top of a disco tech. Europeans love drum N bass, especially their bass. We couldn't sleep at all, literally, everyone was annoyed at how loud everything was and then by the end of the night/day it was hilarious. Finally at 5 am, they stopped and we slept for 3 hours. I woke up feeling worse than I did before and I was literally sweating in my sleeping bag. I woke up three times because I was drenched in sweat. When the promoter came in to give us break fast we got the usual, bread and hummus with olive spread. He was vegan so he knew what was up, but I'm already sick of the bread stuff. I want a salad. I'm surprised Europeans aren't that fat considering their diet is made up mostly of meat and all that crap. We drove back to Germany and now I'm sitting in the middle of down town as I type this. I'll upload and edit all my photos that I've taken with James' camera tonight.

Day 2.

I'm typing this as I sit outside of an Irish pub using their wifi. The things we do for technology. I should be out enjoying the scenery, but my head is throbbing too much to even care about seeing anything. It's the second day of tour and I'm already sick. I think my body shuts off its immune system when I go on tour because I always end up sick. Last nights show was a good practice run. There were like 5 kids there watching us and the local band and outrage that played. I didn't mess up, so I didn't mind. I woke up early in the morning do to my ability to not get comfortable while sleeping and I walked around the Frankfurt, it was very nice. It looks like the pictures in my German book in high school. After my walk, the guys who took car eof our sleeping arrangements took me to a german super market and we got chocolate soymilk, rolls, and a couple of other things to make for breakfast.

Today I'm in the Netherlands, we're playing at a small punk pub and it's ok inside. It's a last minute show but there's still a good amount of kids watching us. The guy who's hosting us tonight made us a nice lunch of curry, fake meat with spices, a salad and a roll. I was very happy to have live foods in my system because I'm sick. That's about it. 2nd day of tour is almost over and it's barely noon back at home, I find that very crazy for some reason.

Day One.

So we flew out of LAX at 11:30 into Toronto Canada at 6:00 PM. We flew into Germany at about noon their time...so that was about 3 AM our time? I think.

The plane ride was filled with funny times and good chick flicks. I forgot to mention that we flew into Canada with KISS on our plane.

Highlights so far:

Flying with KISS

Timm yelling at an entire family for their child kicking his seat for 5 hours.

Seeing people shooting heroin in broad day light, in front of everybody.

Turk, our driver being heavily tattooed and talking shit on Russians

Playing a show at 9 in the morning.

I'll update this more when I get the chance.

What we do is secret.

14. 4. 09

This past weekend was one of the best weekends I've had in years. My friends in Braveyoung came into town while on their U.S. tour. With out getting too sappy, I'll say that these guys are probably the best people I have met through being in a band and touring. No one else compares. As musicians they are amazing. As people they are even more amazing. The show was fun, but that was seriously the worst part of the weekend. Anyone who's been in a touring band knows that shows are the worst part of touring. The best part is the time spent with people you only get to see once every two or so years. The let's begin where the night almost ended. The show ends, we all go to Saturn (it's tradition). A group of about 10 or 15 of us (plus the rest of the show already seated and eating) come in and immediately the N.C. guys start laughing hysterically at this guy if you don't know who he is, go here and look at all the related videos. I could not believe this guy. He was the rest of the nights entertainment. I showed the boys the famous saturn vegan nachos and vanilla peanutbutter shakes. Food was consumed. Laughs were had. Then came the leaving. We were all trying to find a way to get a picture with the infamous "god on ecstasy". So I asked if we can and he approved. I know it's useless with out pictures, but believe me, I will have them up when I get my hands on them. We all leave, I show the boys to the sleeping house and the other boys to the other sleep house. Ghostlimp, Dangers, and Braveyoung...probably about 14 or so people spread out across the floor in the house the next morning. Dangers and Ghostlimb leave early to play a show in Vegas. I say goodbye and the day begins. I'll skip the worthless details. We played softball (guess whose team won?) and killed it. Photos of the events...

Just when you think you're doing fine, life has a way of putting you in your place. It's ok. I deserve it. As much as I say I don't, I believe in karma. I believe that what I'm feeling right now is payback for what I've made other people feel. Yeah waking up in a cold sweat is a good feeling. It's a kick in the ass from reality. Tragically it doesn't happen too often. If it did, maybe it'd keep me from being the way I am. Total apathy for anything and anyone. Complete disregard for mine and your well-being. Unattainable expectations. That's what happens when your life is being commandeered by something you have little to no control over. And only when you feel this low, when your face is being shoved into the earth; you tell your self "I'm going to change". Go to sleep. Wake up to do it all over again. "Fuck it, I don't need to change". Welcome to my life. 4 in the morning and the ghost of every single person I've hurt has been using me as a punching bag while I tried to rest. My mind is too tired to fight back. This happens all too often. I don't want to be fixed. I wanted to be born fixed. Fuck pity parties. Like I said, I deserve this and everything else that's coming to me. I'll lie awake staring at the ceiling going through all the scenarios in my head, all the "what if"s couldn't even measure up. It's too late. What's done is done and what's done is wrong. When the sun rises I'll be dreading for it to fall.

"God damn the sun."

Manic Times.

These last few days have been such a cluster fuck.

I'm still in Orange County. I'm currently typing this from my nephews bed in my sisters house. The room is decorated in stuffed animals, legos, game boy games, books we read when we were younger, and raiders stuff (his dad is a huge raiders fan). He's a lucky kid. My sister and his dad are taking care of him. He's not growing up like my sister and I did. I'm really glad that's the case. Innocence is a good thing to hold on to these days, it's the only thing you have. Once that's gone, you're as good as dead. When I look back at my life I tell my self I wouldn't have wanted to grow up any other way, but that's not true. I know it's not true. It's nothing personal against my mom or dad, I love them. But it could have been better. What's a childhood with out terrible memories though, right?

Regardless; I'm happy for this family. Love mine. But they'll be the death of me. That's why I'm in Santa Cruz and they're here.

There's really no point to this entree. I started to finally read "On The Road" by Kerouac. After my long hiatus on reading, I decided to start again but this time with "the greatest hits" of literature. I'm tired of reading about civilization, our cultures mistreatment of women, patriarchy, animal suffering, etc. Etc. I don't need to read that stuff anymore. I know how I feel about it. I don't need to read about it.

I'm currently listening to Morrissey: Years of Refusal.
Best record of 09. This man can not do a terrible record. Everything he's done, amazing. Hopefully I get to see him next month in Oakland. My life is really in need of that experience again.

Playlist since the last couple of days.

Swans - Burning World.
Morrissey - Years of Refusal.
Jets To Brazil - Perfecting Loneliness.
Depeche Mode - Sounds Of The Universe.

Wolves Like Me.

I haven't written in this in a long time. To all 2 of you that ever read this or were interested. There's no real reason. I've been busy trying not to be (but always thinking about it) a narcissistic-self centered-person driven to write in this thing by being in a perpetual state of discomfort, depression, or nostalgia. A short story of where I left off.

December through January were hard months, really no need to go into too much detail.
In February I moved to Santa Cruz and that's where I've been spending most of my time. Jobless. Nearly homeless. But still, better than I was in Orange County. Something about being away from home. I feel like everytime I step foot into Orange County it takes everything I have to leave again. There's always something trying to keep me t(here), (I'm writing this on a short stint down here for a show 7 gen has on Thursday). Like me and Ben being stranded on the side of the 5 in the middle of no where from 12 midnight till 4 A.M. My car just didn't want to leave, that or the water pump was broken and we had been leaking from the beginning. Regardless, I would have jumped in front of a semi if it wasn't for Ben being there.

Now Santa Cruz: a life of vacation. Living off my savings, sneaking into places, not buying things, collecting music, transportation by foot or bike 98% of the time, eating too much (I can tell I've gained weight, I need to fix that), and last but not least, playing music. Only reasons I have for coming down to south orange county are to play shows with 7 Gen and nothing else; we are ending it soon (this year) so to all 10 of you that care(d) I'm sure the details for the last show will be released fairly soon. I don't know who's going to be on it. We will be releasing a 2 song 7inch with our last songs on it. Recording for that will be...? No clue. I'm sure that info will be released soon as well.

As for now everything is tentative. I'd say other things about our plans to do other things but it's such a cluster fuck with everyone changing plans that I'm not even going to bother.

However I will tell you my plans: I'm staying up in Santa Cruz as long as it will have me. Hopefully things work out so I can live there.
Musically: I have started a band called "speedway", it's a punk rock n roll band. I'm enjoying it so far. Maybe we'll have something recorded soon. This July through september I will be touring Europe with my friends band Wait In Vain. We will be there for 2 and a half months playing a bunch of shows. Playing a bunch of fests and having a great time I hope. I'm excited for it. I always find my self happy when I'm away from home. See? Always leaving. I was born that way.

There's really nothing else to write. Other than I feel morbidly obese and I don't think I can recover. Someone needs to help me get on a better diet.

Things I've been listening to the past 3 months and highly recommend:
Psychic T.V. - Force The Hand of Chance.
Swans - Burning World, Various Failures, shit, all Swans is good.
Angels Of Light (ex swans) - Everything as well. Michael Gira is fantastic.
Death In June - DISCriminate collections.
Christian Death - Six, Six, Sixth communion.
The Black Angels - Passover.
Jefferson Airplane - The Worst of Jefferson Airplane.
Left For Dead - Splitting Heads.
Threadbare - Feeling Older Faster.
Chorus Of Disapproval - The Italian 7inch.
The Swarm - Parasitic Skies, Split with Forced Fed Glass.
Minus The Bear - Highly Refined Pirates.
City & Colour - Bring Me Your Love.
Backstabbers Inc. - Kamakazi Missions.
Band Of Horses - Tour EP.
Cocteau Twins - Heaven Or Las Vegas.
Dinosaur Jr. - Where You Been?
Electric Wizard - We Live.
Integrity - Humanity Is The Devil, Systems Overload, Seasons In The Size Of Days.
Isis - Waving Radiant.
The Jesus And Mary Chain - Darklands.
Jose Gonzalez - Veneer, In Our Nature.
Kings Of Leon - Only By The Night.
Oasis - What's The Story Morning Glory?
Propagandhi - Supporting Caste.

Last but certainly not least.
Morrissey - Years Of Refusal. Atleast a 30 times since it leaked. Yes I bought it on vinyl and CD.