Children of God recently embarked on our first tour as a band. After four years of existence; it's about time to get away and show other cities what you've spent your years on. Tour was filled with a lot of emotions, I think we all enjoyed our selves and we all already mesh well with each other, so other than outside forces, there was really nothing wrong. The turn outs were small and that was expected, but the turn outs were people that really wanted to be there and people that were really looking forward to watching us. 

This was the first tour I went on where I was the voice of the band; like literally singing every night and ruining my throat every. night. I handled it a lot better than I thought I would and my voice bounced back pretty quickly. 

The chemistry we have in this band is something I cherish and is something that only strengthens through time. We can sit in vans for hours on end, discussing anything and everything, or we can sit there in complete silence, staring out the window, reading, taking photos, listening to music, but we're there. We are never not around each other physically but mentally I think we all get into our heads. Surrounded alone. 

Now with tour having ended, it's back to the monotony of day to day life; work, school, exercising, trying to watch your calorie intake, the bane of existence. 

I've been supplementing my non-musical outlet with taking photos. So far I have been pretty happy with the outcome. 

I am done with writing right now. 

Nothing new here

25.

Never thought I'd make it this far. Quarter life; what a scary thought. I have a few more of these to go until I presumably can retire. I spent my 25th year here, in New York. I found my self thinking of whether or not I'd live there. The jury is still out. Life right now is what you'd expect of a mid 20's sober vegan, uneventful (not complaining) and monotonous (again, not complaining).

There's nothing new here.

I'm listening to Holy Sons - I Just Want to Live a Peaceful Life...it has been one of the best records I have ever encountered by accident.

25.

Nothin's changed.

Life is but a sick joke played on those that dream.

I suppose I'll just get right into it. I didn't check to see what I wrote about in the previous entry, doesn't matter. For those of you that still read this; hello. I haven't been writing because I've been busy being up and down, left and right, all around. Let's cut the shit, life is shitty. It's what you do in between those inevitable slaps in the face that make it worth living. Well, what if you don't feel like you're making use of that time? I don't know. I feel that way, then I started to just look forward to those slaps in the face. I'm a masochist. As much as I'd hate to admit it I have grown accustomed to all of the let downs, heart breaks, failures, manic episodes, depressions, mood swings, complete and total shittyness of life. I organize my life around those (you know, life sucking), because you're fucking blind if you think you're invincible from any of that. What do I do in between that? I write about it, I sing(?) about it, I write music for it, I catalogue each and every one of those times where I stared into the barrel of an imaginary gun and wanted to blow my brains out. "Do what makes you happy" seems to be the saying of anyone who s looking on the bright side that day. Well, I do what makes me happy and then something or someone (or even my self) fucks it all up.

I haven't talked to my mother in almost 7 months. I doubt I will. I'm slowly finding out that I have severe trust issues (brought on upon years of abandonment, negligence, and unfaithfulness), all this is the catalyst for every argument I have with someone (or again, my self) I find is being shitty to me. I don't think it's being made up ib my head, I've never been a push over and that's probably why not a lot of people like me but I'm alright with being that person that sits in a room of people all kissing each others asses.

I've lost the desire to write.

Maybe you'll hear from me again, maybe not.

Will the Light Take Us

Things have been hectic around these parts; hectic in a good way. Children of God has been on an all out assault on promoting the new record. You kind of have to whore your self out when you invest money into putting out your own record. COG got featured in OC Weekly and so far the responses to the new record have been good.

As far as my personal life, there's been highs and lows, but there's nothing new with that. I have been meaning to write in this a lot more but balancing time is kind of hard when you spend all day answering emails and trying to stay active. We even have an excel spread sheet, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Also my friends in Braveyoung and my self are putting out their record titled "Will the Dust Praise You". I am honored to be a part of this project, I have been good friends with them since the Giant days and they are truly a blessing to have in my life.

Here's a link to the new record stream.

Here's a link to order it directly from us.

Playlist lately:
Nails - Abandon All Life (get stoked, this record fucking rules)
Mono - For My Parents
Mono/World Ends Girlfriend - Palmless Prayer/Mass Murder Refrain
Neurosis - The Eye of Every Storm
Braveyoung - Will the Dust Praise You

That's all.

Juxtopposition

I have good days and I have bad days, today was more of the latter. I woke up feeling a little off but I tried to shake it to keep my self from self sabotage. Well, here I am in my cave listening to depressing compositions with 3 sleeping pills in my body nodding off waiting for them to take me to bed completely.

I think they're working. Hopefully these keep me down for the night.

There was no point to this confession/post.

All things to those who wait.

Life is ok at the moment.

Through the wind...

I often find my self thinking about why I do the things I do. Why do I play music? Why do I enjoy creating an extension of my dark emotions to listen to over and over and over, looping them and adding to them, trying to make them darker, louder, quieter, more subtle, more abrasive, or more listenable. Writing music for me has always been a way to purge my self of what is in my head, but I've recently been entrenched in making what's in my head bigger and stronger, so much that I give it a life of its own. I can only liken it to a dog disobeying its master, eventually its primal nature kicks in and it turns on you. That's what music does to me, although I never thought my music would have the power to do that to me.

I decided that I wanted to create a song that encompasses how I've been feeling lately...I'm at the 12 minute mark and the people I have shown have told me it was dark. I'm going to see how long this song will be...I'm not done with it until I feel like it's done being written.

This post was originally written about a week ago, I drafted it cause I didn't want to write on it anymore.

Here I am a week later, I haven't worked on that song lately...the song title is called "Nothing's Sacred". The title is pretty self explanatory.

It's funny to think about how much my life has changed since...well...since yesterday and the day before and so on and so forth. I would rather spend my time inside my room listening to records, allowing my self to get in my head (embracing it); than be out or around people to take my mind off of everything going on inside my head (rejecting it). I was in a very dark place the other week, one not unlike the ones I used to go to when I was unmedicated, it's a humbling feeling; to know that your bodies chemistry can control you that much, nature dictating your life and literally having your life be at the mercy of nature. I suppose life is funny like that, right?

In other news Children Of God recorded an LP. Since this is my personal blog, I don't care about spoiling anything (nothing to spoil) because no one reads this thing (no one to spoil it to). The album's title is called "We Set Fire To The Sky". The lyrical content of this record is a lot more personal and introspective than anything else I've written and at times the lyrics are not coherent but that doesn't matter to me as I mostly write these words to get my thoughts on paper. I chose the album title because I think that we as a species being so small in the grand scheme of things (although the most destructive) look to the sky for answers, whether it's studying the stars or believing in Christ we see the sky as our life line and answerer of all the questions we have. When I thought of the name I liked the visual idea of literally setting fire to the sky, setting fire to everything every one of us looks to for answers, because our answers can only be found within ourselves...and we can only come to any relevant conclusion for our life when we fully have an understanding of ourselves. So we set out to destroy everything on earth as a species, let's destroy our answers to life's questions, let's allow ourselves to have nothing to ask questions to, nothing but ourselves.

I'm proud of this new record and I've always believed what Neurosis says: "If you don't make a record that you think eclipses your last record....then you've failed."

That's all.