Shipwrecked, yet still docked.

I’ve searched and I’ve begged and nothing ever came. I found my fulfillment at the bottom of the barrel. I lost love to this sick old world. I sing this song for those who have strength. I know I don’t. I know I’m not the same. I sing this song in honor of my past lives, who lived on without me and never thought twice. I’m drowning in this sea of misery. I’m being pulled out to shipwrecked seas. Save me by sinking me. Dark water’s ahead. I’m sinking. I sing this song for those who have the strength, I know I don’t. I know I’m not the same. I sing this song to mourn my past lives, who lived on without me and never thought twice.

I'm positive it's all going to turn out negative.

I'm lying here in bed with my eyes fixed on the screen watching this curser blink and blink. Life is good some days and bad the next. I don't know where I'm going, where I'm staying, what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, who I'm feeling.
I'm a complete wreck on the inside, but I'm totally sane on the outside...well, hardly. I'm tired and lonely. And I start to feel weak at the thought of feeling this way forever, even if I'm in someones company. I'm afraid I'll lose my self in someone else. I don't see why anyone would want to give me the time of day and I secretly wish they would. I'll never be a permanent part of someones life, because I never really want to be. I'm like a tumor, if you don't get rid of me...I'll do it for you.
The closer we get, the further I feel. I can't trust anyone. I can't trust my self not to mess things up for my self.


I'm just going to prepare for the inevitable.

For you. For me.

I'm low on energy, it's killing me. I told you, if it's me or nothing - choose nothing. I'm afraid I'm going to die and leave something behind. If you see me, just walk away because saying nothing is better than speaking. I'd rather die than have some one ask me "why?" one more time. I'd rather die than meet some one new one more time. I'm lonely and it's killing me. Maybe I'll never be happy. I'll crawl out the window, cut the life line, kick the chair out from under me, pull the plug, whatever that means. Don't say "hi" to me. I'd rather die.