My insomnia-esque way of sleeping has been killing me recently. I used to not mind it but now I realized there really is no point to being awake. I try to fall asleep as fast as possible. I just wanted yesterday to end as soon as it began. I felt unmotivated to do anything or to say anything to anyone. I can't wait to get out of this house, I like my friends but I think I'm going to kill myself if I have to live another month here. I don't like being depressed around people who are having a good time, it's even more depressing. I just want to spend time in a room alone and not having people asking me how I'm doing so I'll have to lie to them.
I suppose I saw the end coming and I shouldn't be surprised in the slightest. You get a quick moment of relief knowing that the pain of heartache is just beginning rather than wondering when it's going to happen...well it's happening now and it catches you by surprise. Then again when have I ever gotten a fair warning about anything?
In other uninteresting news, 7 Generations is going into the studio to record our full length and I'm kind of optimistic? I've been lovesick for studio time for a long time...almost 4 years. Last time I was in the studio I was so depressed I couldn't even put into words how shitty I was feeling. Sitting in a room with 4 of my best friends (at the time) for 16 hours just watching some guy click around on the computer screen. It was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of things...or just dive into my problems and work them out by myself. I'm going in with Tim to help him record drums and then lay down the guitar tracks. I'm also pretty optimistic about tour...I shouldn't get myself stoked about anything...that's when heartache comes into the equation and I've had too much for now. I'm a train wreck that hasn't stopped pushing forward, piling more cars onto each other without any warning...no train signals, just coming out of left field. When will I end?
Truly mine,
Adrian
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