5:40 and counting.

It's been 3 weeks since my parents left to Mexico on their annual vacation. Each year in mid January they leave to the nice little state of Puerto Vallarta. Here it is tourist galore, rich Americans coming to spend their precious money on one of Mexicos "americanized" cities. Now, before you jump to any conclusions, my parents aren't rich, I'm sitting in their house that has holes in the roof, 2 bedrooms, 1 bath room, 5 people living here (one of them being me on their couch). My dad is from a little ranch right outside of the big tourist attractions; here you can find some of the best handmade tortillas you can ever have the chance of eating. Dirt roads, brick, adobe, and wood houses line these make shift roads. I remember when I was 11 when we drove into the ranch everyone knew who we were...we were the Mexican kids born in America, they all waved at us...I felt like I mattered then. I haven't been there since then and they still ask about me. Regardless, this is off the point by 1000 words...so I'll stop right there.

I've been sitting at my parents house for 3 weeks straight cherishing my time alone, reading, writing, playing guitar, watching family guy every night before I fall asleep, and on the rare occasion stay out as late as I want (I don't have a curfew, I just want to respect my parents and not be slamming and opening doors in the middle of the night). I find my self with a familiar feeling, somewhat nostalgic about how I used to feel when I was a little bit younger, just being alone in a room and listening to music or simply staring at a wall. Loneliness is like meditation to me, I don't want to talk, I just want to think, I don't want to be around anyone, I just want to get inside my head; these are the kind of things a chemically imbalanced person wants (needs). I've spent a lot of time alone with my self since I was younger, even when I wasn't alone I was always inside my head. You can talk to me and I can carry a conversation with you but what you say will mean nothing the second it leaves your lips, because I'm inside my head. The leaving of the present time started when I was younger, I was always scolded for something; fighting with my brother, making a mess, you name it I did it. Eventually the need to just get away from all the "Talks" while I was being scolded was to think of something else, not at the yelling going on right in front of my face. Fast forward 12 years and I can't even control it. This kind of thing pisses people off and it pisses me off that is pisses them off. It's a lose lose situation. Writing when I'm in my head produces some weird results, this isn't one of them, but my other blog hosts those thoughts.
I've been teetering on being a social or wanting to stay in and cherish my time alone, the end results never really leave me satisfied. I suppose I'll have to live with those choices, maybe sleeping would suffice, but what a waste of time.

I've suddenly lost the urge to write anymore...I'm rambling anyway.

I suppose that's an update.