The title says it all.
When I was a teenager (13-15) I was the complete opposite of what I am now. The "solid" core group of friends that one would have loved to have when they were younger and in those prime social ladder climbing years. Something changed, sophomore year I was at school about 40 percent that whole year. I was notorious for not being in class, my teachers were wise to what I was up to and they knew I had bigger things planned (sitting on my friends couches, playing guitar, watching stupid movies, band practice). Fast forward to Junior year, I found my self at a continuation school, with none of my friends (some how they went on to become seniors and didn't really have to worry about anything), in a whole new surrounding with a bunch of people who didn't know who I was. I was the third of my family to go to Serra, it was notorious for letting kids smoke on campus, fights at least once a week, gang members, pregnant teens, and things of the like. I'm not trying to make this place sound bad at all, I grew up in the kind of lower class areas of San Juan, none of this was new to me, but in a high school setting? It was completely foreign. There I was, I didn't even have a cell phone then, nothing to keep me occupied except my note book with Morrissey lyrics written on it. I was always that nerdy kid that came to class early and just sat there. I was the only straightedge kid, the only kid who was vegan, the only kid who listened to hardcore, that had any idea of some kind of "sub culture"...I was alone. Over time I made some friends, some came and some went, some went on binges, some went to jail, some committed suicide, some had their kids...the place was a revolving door of fuck ups and I wasn't ashamed to be in it. I lost touch with a lot of my friends back at the old high school. I felt like I had nothing in common with them and for the most part it was true, that isn't a slide against them...I was just doing my own thing. I got my first real girl friend that year. She was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum as me, and that was my first mistake. She used drugs, she didn't know what hardcore was, she was vegetarian though. In retrospect I think I liked her a lot because in my time of being alone after having had friends, I needed someone that was there for me. I'd like to say my family was there, but they weren't, they won't always be and I understand that. So we dated, she broke my heart, you know the story. Then began the toxic relationship that went on for about a year. I look back at those times now and I laugh, when all I could do then is cry and want to die. I was truly alone, heart broken, and I didn't even know what to do anymore. Like I said though, I've gone through worse things since then, and I laugh at that now. I found a lot of good music in that time in my life, I lost a lot of weight, I started to get into my pattern of being reclusive for long periods of time. I wrote a lot of music and I wrote a lot. I go back to those writings even now and I cringe at how bad I was feeling, probably just like I will to this. I don't hate her for it, I was always the kind of person that got over friendships fast and found other things to occupy my time. Now I see her in passing and don't acknowledge her, due to my spiteful nature, I hope it stings a little. We don't care about each other anymore and I'm kind of glad, cause both of us are train wrecks now.
I learned a big life lesson my junior year, never rely on anybody.
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