Untitled II.

No update yesterday. Quick recap on the weekend.
On our way to Santa Cruz our alternater broke and we had to get a new one. That was a total of 100 or something dollars. We hung out infront of the auto parts store while Matt from ABHF installed it for us. Thank god for car savvy gentlemen. Anyway, we got there just in time to catch touche amore's last 2 songs. That band is awesome. After them that band Maladie from Tijuana played. They were pretty good. After that Dukes up! Played and I always enjoy heckling them. I'm stoked they didn't open the show cause they always open shows. After that ABHF played. And as I expected, people stood around, granted they are a first time band on tour and it was their first show in Santa Cruz, I didn't expect the most enthusiastic crowd response. After them Baader brains played, I enjoy bands with gimicks but I think they definitely took away from the momentum of the show. Either way, it was rad seeing the drummer of struggle still doing D.I.Y. Punk/postpunk whatever stuff.
After that we played. The set was fun. I got pictures taken a million times. I'm a closet narcissist, sue me.
After the show we packed up, I offended a raw girl cause I was mocking typical idiots who make fun of raw/vegans. Some people have no sense of humor, it truly annoys me.
We met at Saturn with a bunch of people, saw a bunch of old faces, met a bunch of new ones whom I'll forget, as I'm sure they'll forget mine. I put morrissey on the juke box, it was enjoyable. I drove in a car with someone I just met to their house, cause we were staying there. I'm not much of a talker, it's sad sometimes. We get to their house and meet their cats. I was very stoked that the house we stayed in was clean/er than most. Everyone came, everyone talked, everyone left or went to sleep. I stayed in the house instead of the van. My throat was hurting me.
I went to sleep at 7 in the morning and woke up at 8. I was groggy and my throat still hurt.
I wrote a thank you note and we left. We picked up Chris then went down town to the record store and American Apperal. I got an ink & dagger 7 inch, fugazi 7 inch, smiths - panic single 12inch, and I know there's another 7inch somewhere in there. After the record store I decided I wanted to go to American Apperal and get a new shirt for friday nights show at Gilman.
We left town around noon and were off to Redding. Eventually Redding was gotten to. It's a small town. I needed a beanie, so I picked up a Nascar beanie. We got to the Rec. Center and we saw Ben. I enjoy that fine young man so much, he's always treated me so well and has never given me a reason to think he'd do otherwise. The show started and the turn out was better than we all expect. ABHF's set was the most well received. They definitely won some people over in Redding and I'm happy for them. After that, the Separation played. They get better every time I see them and I enjoy seeing them every time. They've got a good sound and a good message.
We played after them. The set was o.k. It was a chance to play and I always enjoy playing, some more than others, but it was ok. After our set I went out for a walk. I came back and we were off to "thunderdome", where Ben lives. The Redding kids cooked us food. Their hospitality makes me have a little more faith in the world. Everyone went to sleep. I woke up at 6, showered, did my hair and now we're on our way to Portland.

This post is boring, there's a thousand other things going through my mind at the moment and writing in this thing is the only thing that's keeping me somewhat sane.

Viva Hate,
XadrianX

I woke up at 6:45 in a some what excited mood. Like when I was a little kid the morning of going to disney land. I took a shower and started packing my things up. I woke up a.j. Cause he spent the night. It's kind of strange cause I haven't had someone spend the night in years, Literally since I was about 6. I prepped, did my thing and went skating to my truck. I love skating, I really need to get into it again. Anyway, we then went to Farm to Market and picked up trail mix and kombucha...see this always happens, I decide I want to be healthy on tour...but I never eat healthy. We got to chris's house at 9. An hour earlier than we were supposed to. We then got a call saying that Kevan showed up an hour later then he was supposed to. I was pretty irritated, but really what could I have done.
The men finally show up and then it's load in time. We start loading up and everything starts building up and I start hating everything even more. And I tell myself that this is tour and I better get used to it.
Eventually we're on the road, on our way to santa barbara. The van set up is pretty nice. I'm sitting in a chair. I can't sit on the floor cause I'd get car sick and I can't sit facing back wards cause I'd get sick. So I'm kind of the dude who needs to be sitting down. Anyway the drive wasn't that bad. I think our van might break down, but it wouldn't be tour without a break down.
We get to santa barbara and we go to a place called pizza guru, pretty good pizza. I ate 12 slices. Fuck.

Anyway, we get to the show and it's the same venue I played with Restrained, the same owner and all. Except this time he said he's going vegan, and he's going to try and get his whole family to go vegan after seeing the meet your meat and "earthlings" videos we were playing at the last Restrained show there. I was pretty flattered and stoked to hear him say that.
The show started with a band called White god, they were really nice guys and I was excited to see a 2 piece band. After white god a local band from south orange county who has now moved to Santa Barbara played. They were kind enough to flatter us during their set.
Then our tour mates A Better Hope Foundation played. They get better everytime I see them. I'm excited we get to share the van with them and shows with them. This is definitely a cool experience, for both of us. I enjoy watching bands we tour with because it's funny to see how two different personalities (or so it seems like) can come from individuals. I'd like to think I'm the same person on stage as I am hanging around. But no one really knows that, cause I don't hang out.
Our set was fun. Their were kids singing along and it sounded pretty good, it's all I can ask for.
After we loaded up and went to our friend Tosh's house. Him, his sister sarah, and little brother taylor live there with their mom who happens to be a vegan baker. They are the nicest family ever. I stayed in the van with Justin, sina and kevan. We have a mattress on the floor so it was comfortable enough for me to not be grumpy.
I woke up at 7 and went into the house and showered and did my hair. Everyone woke up and we just hung out. Allan, our good friend in who used to be in Gather asked us if wed like to do an interview between each member of the band and we all agreed. He took us into a room and we all talked about the new album and the song writng, politics, etc. I tend to have a hard time speaking, but I like interviews.
After the interview we packed up and we're now on our way to Santa Cruz, my favorite town other then San Juan. Tonights show should be fun, but I won't promise my self anything.

Sincerely mine,
XadrianX

LV.

So I have moved back into my parents house, so many people dread going back into their parents house after having a taste of "freedom" but I wasn't dreading anything. I really felt like I needed to spend some serious alone time with my self when I lived with my friends. I enjoy the people I lived with but with the kind of person I am, I couldn't function properly. I'm enjoying the life of reclusion and total abandonment of everything and everyone. I have no attachments. I can truly say I am back to my old self, although that was never something to really brag about. I listen to my records in the morning, go running, get ready for work, then come back after work, run and read.

I am done.

LIII.

I had a good meeting with a friend today. We discussed the terrible aspects of the hardcore scene these days and the even more terrible aspects of life itself. I can't say that I'm not excited about anything because that is definitely not true. I'm finally going to be on a piece of wax and forever immortalized. I'm in two bands that have my organ that pumps blood through-out my whole body. I'm still straightedge, and I'm still vegan. I'm still just as pist at the world as I was when I was 13 years old. I really can't complain about things right now. I heard some good news the other day...my brother who's serving a life sentence (or was) is being called back into court do to his trial being botched. His lawyer said with how serious the trial was fucked, he should get time served and be out within 2 weeks. My mom told me the news and I couldn't believe it...I hope for his sake, and my moms sake and my sake that it happens. I have a lot of stuff to show him. He missed out on 10 years of my life and I can't remember the last time I was truly happy since his leaving.

On the other hand I don't want him to see how much of a mess I have become. It's time for bed.

Play list:
The Swans - Children of God
The Sword - Gods of The Earth
Floor - Floor
Torche - Torche
Isis - In The Absence of Truth
Cursed - II/III
Trap Them - Seance Prime
Quicksand - Slip

LI.

My insomnia-esque way of sleeping has been killing me recently. I used to not mind it but now I realized there really is no point to being awake. I try to fall asleep as fast as possible. I just wanted yesterday to end as soon as it began. I felt unmotivated to do anything or to say anything to anyone. I can't wait to get out of this house, I like my friends but I think I'm going to kill myself if I have to live another month here. I don't like being depressed around people who are having a good time, it's even more depressing. I just want to spend time in a room alone and not having people asking me how I'm doing so I'll have to lie to them.
I suppose I saw the end coming and I shouldn't be surprised in the slightest. You get a quick moment of relief knowing that the pain of heartache is just beginning rather than wondering when it's going to happen...well it's happening now and it catches you by surprise. Then again when have I ever gotten a fair warning about anything?
In other uninteresting news, 7 Generations is going into the studio to record our full length and I'm kind of optimistic? I've been lovesick for studio time for a long time...almost 4 years. Last time I was in the studio I was so depressed I couldn't even put into words how shitty I was feeling. Sitting in a room with 4 of my best friends (at the time) for 16 hours just watching some guy click around on the computer screen. It was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of things...or just dive into my problems and work them out by myself. I'm going in with Tim to help him record drums and then lay down the guitar tracks. I'm also pretty optimistic about tour...I shouldn't get myself stoked about anything...that's when heartache comes into the equation and I've had too much for now. I'm a train wreck that hasn't stopped pushing forward, piling more cars onto each other without any warning...no train signals, just coming out of left field. When will I end?

Truly mine,
Adrian

Overworked

My sleeping schedule has seriously become a nuisance, I can't sleep for a full night to save my life. Last night I went to bed early do to my excessive headache and I saw no reason to stay awake anymore. To no avail, I woke up 2 hours later and walked around a bit then went back to sleep. I then woke up another 2 hours later...and then another 2 hours later. I've been awake for about an hour and a half and the possibility of any sleep is bleak. My mind is racing and I feel like I should be doing something, but I have nothing to do. I'm kind of excited to move back out to my moms. I can have more money for spending on guitar stuff and other equipment. I've been in the process of writing "shoegazey" music and so far so good. I have the structures to a few songs down and I just need to work on them daily.

2 weeks ago I was one of the happiest people around and now I'm back down in my slump. Moving into my moms is going to help me get back into my hermit mode where I hardly eat and work out way too much for my own good. I hope I can get some decent sleep, it's all I ask...then again what have I ever gotten out of asking?

I've run out of things to talk about or I stopped caring.

P.S. There's got to be something wrong with dreaming about guitar heads every time you close your eyes.

Wasting in no ones arms,
Adrian

Life in regret.

Times have not been too kind to me (well, recently). I've been waking up every hour for the past 3 nights. My mind is always somewhere else when I'm somewhere else.

I told my room mates that I'm moving back into my moms house by the end of this month. We'll see how things go with that. I'll probably just dip back into my routine of being a manic depressive and eating unhealthy and running too much...who said that's a bad thing?

I watched a documentary called "The Bridge", it was about people who committed suicide off the golden gate bridge. Although it was depressing, I thought it was one of the most romantic things...it sounds strange to say. People killing them selves in front of hundreds of people. Next time I'm in the bay area I want to walk along that bridge, I haven't since I was 8 or so.

I have nothing else to write about, nothing else has a purpose.

Somewhere out there, I hope someone is having a good life...cause they're living one for me.

-XadrianX